I am a 35F married to my husband we will call him Billy 35M for 5 years now and dated for 5 years before that. Billy has 2 sisters we will call them Anna and Jesse. Anna is 31F and Jesse is 33F and Anna is married and pregnant with her first child (our niece) and we are sooo excited!! Especially bc my only sibling my brother most likely won’t have any children so this is my one chance to be an aunt! Well my MIL and 2 SILs NEVER include me in anything despite being a part of the family for 10 years. I feel like I’m the forever outsider or treated me like a family friend or acquaintance than an actual family member.

For example my MIL and SIL is throwing a baby shower for my other SIL and being it is our first niece and I’m excited plus I’m trying to get more involved with the family I sent a text to both my MIL and SIL offering to help with the baby shower with whatever they need and they both said no we are going to take care of everything. I felt hurt and rejected by this that they couldn’t include me at all even in a small way since again I’m a part of the family and this baby will be me and hubby’s niece. Also my MIL got my husband a shirt that said first time uncle and gave it to him in front of me and said I got one for you and your sister. Except obvs hers didn’t say first time uncle it said first time aunt.

I would have thought she would have gotten me a first time aunt shirt and I feel it’s tone deaf to give it to my husband in front of me and then announce she got his sister a first time aunt shirt. I feel it’s very odd she got one for the uncle and the aunt but left one aunt and it didn’t once occur to her when she was either ordering these shirts, handing it to my husband, or announcing in front of me she got one for him and his sister the other aunt that I may feel overlooked. Another example is she sent a text to my husband saying how excited she is to watch him become and uncle and that’s how she announced the pregnancy to him. My MIL I mean.

Growing up aunts and uncles always come in pairs meaning if I was born before one of my parents siblings married their spouse was aunt or uncle to me just as much as my parents siblings were if you catch my drift. It would have been nice if my MIL texted both of us and said, “hey great news you guys will be aunt and uncle can’t wait to watch your relationship grow with your niece.” Instead of just acknowledging my husband’s role as the uncle.

Also my 2 SILs and MIL have girl night Fridays once a month. Let me be clear I completely understand the mother daughter bond is sacred and special and needs to be nurtured. So of course I don’t expect to be included in every outing but I dunno maybe 3x a year the invitation could be extended to me. Also sometimes my MIL will invite my husband out to dinner just one on one and explicitly not want me there. But never extends the same courtesy to me to improve or foster a relationship with me her DIL.

I feel all combined this is “mean girl” behavior done on the part of my MIL to make it very clear to me that I’m not one of them I’ll forever be an outsider. This is odd after being around for 10 years and getting together when we were on the younger side. Not like I’m a 2nd marriage or joined the family much later or something.

But I totally understand it’s a husband problem as well. I feel as his wife he should be putting me first and his families’ treatment of me should offend him and hurt him since it’s happening to his wife as much as it’s hurting me. For example asking his mom why she completely ignored me becoming an aunt. Or he could have CCd me in the text his mom sent and said yes mom we are both excited to be aunt and uncle. Or say mom my wife is becoming an aunt not just me becoming an uncle you forgot her shirt. Basically be more proactive and assertive in getting me included. Or said mom WTH why can’t my wife help out with the baby shower. Or is it a man thing to not be aware of the dynamics between women family members and all the politics behind it or to bury their head in the sand because they don’t want to deal with it?

AITA to basically demand my husband to speak up?

I could be the AH for demanding it?