As the title suggests, I (23M) and my fiancée (22F) have been in quite the pit when it comes to how we perceive our relationship. We have been engaged for just under a year now and our wedding is in August of this year. She has grown up with a pretty crappy relationship with her mother and has always struggled with being emotionally sound and it has been very prevalent throughout our relationship. About a year into dating she got medicated for her ADHD and the fighting got a lot better until about 3 months ago we got handed the devasting news that her dad has stage 4 colon cancer, which they had given him an estimated 5 years to live. Her and her dad have always had a very strong relationship and to call them best friends is an understatement.

Since finding out, it has completely offset our engagement. Through all of this I promised to support her and her family in the best way I can but it never seems enough. She has become very emotionally unavailable with me and its made it really hard to express how I love her. There has been no intimacy at all since the news and she often brushes me off when I try to tell her I love her, and pulls away whenever I try to hold her hand, kiss, or hug her. I am very understanding and patient to this as she is just finishing her post-secondary education, planning a wedding, and trying to be there for her family in this matter.

It just seems like our relationship has been on the backburner for the past 3 months and it has made it super difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with her as she has no energy/ time for us. I have brought up the concern that I am noticing a wedge in our relationship and she always reiterates that I am being invalidating to her feelings and situation. This has started to make me resent her and I truly feel like a POS for not putting her needs before my own. Often these concerns turn into fights about how I am not considerate of her emotions and that I have made no growth in our relationship, and how I am emotionally immature and need to grow up. I am threatened with postponing the wedding (as her parents have paid for it) and that she has the power to take everything away from me as a punishment for not fully understanding her situation and "selfishly" looking out for my own concerns.

I guess another point to bring up is the fact that I have skateboarded throughout the entirety of our relationship, and have dislocated my ankle twice since we started dating. She has brought up a concern that I need to stop skateboarding till after the wedding because she wants me to be able to walk down the aisle. I have had a super hard time accepting this as it is my outlet and the majority of the friends I have are through the sport. I have tried to compromise with her by telling her I will take preventative measures such as proper physio, ankle braces, supportive shoes, and taking it easy until after we are married. But she does not agree and claims that I care for skateboarding more than her. I am really struggling to respect her opinion on this as I feel like it is a control thing. I have talked to both my mother and brother about it and they agree that she should not be taking away something I love that has helped me be more mentally clear with everything going on.

Last night I decided to go out skateboarding and not tell her. She then found out and said that I am not allowed to come see her family for easter dinner.

This then leads me to the argument that we had today. I told her that I found it controlling and manipulative that to punish me with not seeing her family this holiday and how she often threatens to cancel the wedding when we get into arguments. She told me that She is not able to focus on our relationship because she is being stretched too thin, which I completely understand because of her situation, I would just like her to be more intentional with me when we are together and she reiterates that I cannot expect her to be better. I am having a really hard time with seeing the wedding through as she stated that our marriage is not going to get better because of everything with her dad. At this point in our relationship, I am holding on by a thread... I am sick of being treated beneath her and having my concerns blown up in my face when I bring them up. I feel our relationship is very one sided and I am trying my hardest to empathize with her situation, but I feel sooner or later it is going to be too much.

AITA?