This is an alternate/throw away account and I’m just going to use initials for the sake of ease and anonymity. I feel like there’s a lot of context needed so please bear with me.

I am J (40M). I’ve been staying with my friend, H (40F), for nearly a year now to help her out because her husband, D (54M), has been away with work. They have two children, L and G. L is a 12 year old boy, he has ADHD and is going through a bit of a rough patch in terms of behaviour. He’s become very up and down in terms of mood, and without airing out all his business, it was getting to the point where G (9F) would get anxious when he was around and H was at her limit. When his behaviour started getting bad, H asked me to come around and spend some time with him, just going out on the weekend (fishing, movies, play football - “guy stuff”). I’m his godfather, I’ve been in the picture his whole life, he and I have a good relationship so it’s not weird for me and him to go out and do our own thing.

One night after a particularly bad incident, H asked me to come around and after it, she asked me to stay for a while. H is my best mate, I’ve known her for 20 odd years and it worked out because the lease for my flat was coming to an end so I said yes.

Anyway, D was back for just under two weeks. His job means he travels a lot and is often gone for weeks at a time and he will come back for a week or so. It was nice, L and G were stoked but for me, it felt weird and kind of annoying. H and I had just spent 8 weeks getting L into a good routine that worked and D was completely going against it. H tried to talk to D and tell him what had been happening and why it was important that he try not to go too off the rails, his response was to apologise but then follow it up by saying that he was just excited to spend time with his kids as he is barely there.

The whole time, D didn’t really acknowledge me or say anything about the fact that I’d stepped in to help when he was gone. I don’t think I need too much but it made me feel weird. I’m the guy who’s spent the last however many months keeping your family together, that’s not nothing.

Anyway, he left nearly a week ago and L has gone back like 10 steps, just as we thought he might. He’s angry and acting out again, G has gone back to hiding in her room whenever he’s home, and H has a meeting with the principal on Friday because of an incident at school. We’re starting from square one again and I feel really annoyed about it. H hasn’t outright said she’s frustrated or anything like that, but her demeanour and disposition has sort of flattened out and while D was there she seemed like she was biting her tongue most of the time.

So, am I the arsehole for being annoyed that my best friend’s husband was back in town? Am I crossing a boundary? I feel like I’m just helping my mate but maybe I’m too close to the situation.