I 20(F) and my bf 21(M) have been together for about almost a year. To give back story, I was in a very bad relationship a few months prior to when we got together and it had really messed me up. To be honest I was already dealing with resurfaced depression and I had very low self worth. I made some mistakes in the last relationship and do acknowledge I was a big part of the problem to, and since been on a war path of self improvement.

When I met my current bf he was so sweet and positive and just over all a kid person. He still to this day always takes my trash out and roomates does all of our dishes and no matter time will get fully dressed and go down to get me full meals or drinks. Our relationship at the beginning was rocky because he wanted to be with me asap but I wanted to slow into it and try not to rush things (this was a big issue on my end with my last relationship). Well… I messed up and told parents early and told them he was Muslim (I’m catholic). They told me they don’t think it will last but can’t control me and to just respect their wishes and not “rub him in their faces”. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HONEST WITH BF. About this, and my depression, and about little about my last bf/ old friendships that left me traumatized, and about anything I could think of that could potentially come up in our relationship. He took it fine at first and said he was chill but than started getting sad and bringing my family up when we fought. This was all past stuff that has calmed down in the last 5/6 months.

Now onto the real topic. Ik I can pick dumb frights and at first I would and he would just call me out and than we would move on. Very direct no arguing just facts. But than he started on this “I’m sorry, but excuses excuses” and these excuses where usually him blaming me for not “knowing his mind/what he was thinking” or random things like “I didn’t make you coffee because it’s raining” like what does rain have to do with an indoor task? Ik my fault lies in where if he apologizes immediately I will know he has no idea why I’m mad or Im not satisfied by how quick the argument ended and still have girl rage and I will keep saying things like “no you always do this you never listen to me”. But AS SOON AS THIS MAN BRINGS AN EXCUSE OUT my rage intensifies and red flags go off because it makes me feel like I am being gas lit. I start calling out the excuses and he will defend and even leave and sleep in his car coming in and out sulking to get me to cave. He will eventually get really mad and say “I hate I ruined your day we were so close” and I will reassure him that I had a great day but want to address the continuous pattern of making excuses. And he will ignore me and go back to a different issue about me saying how what I’m mad about was nothing compared to things I have done and he doesn’t care about. (Ex be fight over cup on coaster, I say smt he throws excuse I double down he than doubles down than we fight I call out pattern he brings up different story and blames me as reasoning, than mention how it got so intense over a cup and I will say it’s not about cup but the patter of excuses. If it’s not that deep than why defend it?” AND THIS IS TRUE WHY DEFEND IT? He will say he doesn’t care or that he is not in the wrong and make these slugs about my character, family, political party, or race( I’m white and will say things like “ik ur a white girl but stop cring” or “ofc you think that way your whole family is white” but like… if anything I acknowledge that my parents have a like that white people racist fear towards other ethnicities but my sisters uncles grandparents all are very different.

Whenever he says these things I tell him he knows I don’t have the same views and he is aware that I have fought about him and even has my collage fund treated if I stayed with him, yet in times of anger accuses me of not doing enough because he hasn’t met them.

Now things are coming to ahead. We are both transferring to the same school and currently will spend 5-6 days together. The issue is as soon as he leaves he will instantly no longer want to come back and see me like he boasts and talks about leading up to his departure and will call me 20 min after saying he wants to say home to play video games. I don’t care if this is what he wants but will than stay home for about 4-5 days before coming back to me. This has given me huge separation anxiety and i literally can’t be happy or I feel like I can’t breath and my heart is tight until I see him. It doesn’t help that when I express to him how I feel when he makes a big talk of things only to cancel and not only that but not text or respond as much and be more indifferent to me is what bothers me not that he wants to stay home. His words cause excitement only for him to crush it. He seems to be getting more and more frustrated with our quips and at this point I feel like he only likes my face/ body and not me anymore. I think he thinks I’m too much and hope I leave him. I just miss my old happy/ overly positive and optimistic bf that always tried to make good a situation. How he just says “I’m sry you feel that way but I don’t think I’m in the wrong”

Psa: I forgot to add in here that yes, my depression gets worst when we fight whitch is constantly but I purposefully would not bring it up because I felt like that was manipulative and I wanted him to be honest and express himself. But he told me to no matter what but now when I do weather it’s ab him or not he doesn’t hold me or say it’s okay instead just says I should talk about my self like that till he gets mad and says I shouldn’t cry this much. Plz help idk how to fix this relationship. Ik how toxic it sounds but I want him to feel like he can express himself but I also want him to grow back into the man who would listen and try and find compromises and understanding.