I made a post to see if I was overreacting about my mil calling my son “her baby”. Most said yes I was, but some people said she sounds weird and it sounds like there more to it. And there is. I just didn’t want to go too deep in the past. But maybe it would help if I was to explain everything.

Maybe I didn’t word my previous post too well. I went ahead and deleted it cause I felt like I didn’t say things right. I am burnt out. I’m a stay at home mom who takes care of my son 24/7. I cry myself to sleep some nights cause I’m terrified and worried something is going to happen. My son who’s 16 months old isn’t walking and it’s an issue I’ve been dealing with for the last 5 months.

I can’t say I dislike my Mil. I think she oversteps and sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong a lot but I don’t dislike her for it. I think she’s weird that’s it.

I stated my son is the first grandson. He wasn’t the first grandchild. He’s the first grandchild on my side of the family, but my boyfriend’s side has two granddaughters. My mil doesn’t think of them as hers tho cause they don’t share any blood. My Fil got his high school girlfriend pregnant at 17 so my boyfriend and an older half sister. So in a way, my son is her first biological grandchild. I should also explain that my mil divorced my fil because she financially ruined him with credit card debt and then “fell out of love with him” cause he was working all the time to pay off the debt she accumulated.

When we first told her we were pregnant she told me she was praying for a girl, and then recommended a version of her name to use for the girl. That didn’t sit right with me and we already had a girl named picked. My boyfriend picked it and I thought it was pretty so we told her no. Once we found out it was a boy I told her my son’s middle name was going to be after my grandfather who helped raised me and my siblings. (My dad was never around) and she made a comment and said “Well why not (her father’s name) instead?” I never met her father. And the stories I heard from her aren’t good and pretty. Apparently he was an alcoholic who used to beat her and leave her stranded at the bar when she was a young girl.

Once I calmly told her “You don’t always speak highly of your dad, from what I’ve heard he used to abuse you and leave you stranded until your mom came and got you.” She acknowledged that fact and changed the topic to first names. We didn’t have one picked out, so she started listing off K names to use as the first name. My boyfriend and father in laws name start with a K, so I understand her sentiment but it’s not what I wanted for my son. So I politely told her no and we would figure out a first name with him. When I settled on a name and told her, the response I got was “That’s an old man’s name. He’s gonna get made fun of!” That rubbed me the wrong way but I brushed it off, I loved the name and my boyfriend let me pick it out since he picked out a girl name. Later on I mentioned how I didn’t want to get my son circumcised. She again told me that I “absolutely needed to” cause “he would get made fun of”. I calmly told her, “As women how can we fight for my body my choice if we don’t give our sons a choice?” She stopped bringing it up after I said that until the day I had to get admitted for an emergency induction. Right before they were about to start the procedure she told me “This is the last chance you have to get him circumcised so he’ll have a normal life.” Again rubbed me the wrong way but I brushed it off cause I wanted my son out of me at that point so I focused on having and pushing out my son.

The baby shower. I planned the theme, who all I wanted to invite and gave permission to my family including my mil to invite people that they wanted. My mom got the clubhouse in her housing addition, she paid for it. My mom also paid for the pizza at the party. My two sisters got decorations and made some food for the party. My sil made some more snacks and focused on games for the party. My mil was in charge of drinks and helped my sil with the snacks. Granted she didn’t have a lot to do, but it’s not like I was trying to leave her out. It’s hard to plan a baby shower when everyone wants to help. The only other thing I could think of where she could help, is setting up the decorations. But how can I ask an almost 60 year old woman to blow up balloons or get on a ladder and hang up backdrops? I wasn’t going to. Literally a year prior my mil broke both of her femurs and had to get titanium rods placed. I thought I was making things easier for her, not leaving her out. Needless to say I did not expect her to cry to my boyfriend about how she felt left out of the planning.

Once I had my son, things were easier. She never brought up circumcisions again and only talked about how handsome my son was. She even changed her tune about his name and now says “it sounds regal, like he’s a prince.” The only things that slightly bothered me was when she would drop by. She would tell my boyfriend she was coming over, and he’s working so he doesn’t have time to let me know she’s coming over. So I would never know if she was showing up or what. But I can’t really blame her that’s all on my boyfriend.

That didn’t really bother me until she introduced my son as her baby. And the people she introduced him to, weren’t her friends, they are people she knows that work at the laundry mat next to the Mexican restaurant. She was holding my son and walked up to them and said “This is my baby! His name is Harry” (not his real name, she used his real name) and I was maybe 10 feet away talking to my sil and I barely heard her. But I did, and I was saying something to my sil but I immediately forgot what I was saying and instead like word vomit I said “why did she introduce him as her baby? That’s weird.” And my boyfriend shushed me even tho I wasn’t talking loudly enough for them to hear. The comment was just meant for my sil and boyfriend. I wanted to say more about how I felt her behavior towards my son was strange but I kept it in and just didn’t say anything cause it didn’t seem like anyone would actually listen. My mil went on to lie to those people talking about how much time she spends with him, and he gives her more kisses out of everyone he knows. But I shut it out after that and just went into the restaurant.

Maybe the people are right. I am burnt out. My son doesn’t sleep right, he’s not walking. He is very smart and can say up to 10 different words but I just worry all the time. My boyfriend is hardly home to help me. My mom is recovering from appendix cancer, my sisters work, my sil lives out of state. My mil is probably the one person I can ask every weekend to watch him for an hour or two to help out. And she does, but whenever I get back from the grocery store, she talks about how tired he makes her.

I appreciate my mil for loving my son, I do. I just think she’s very weird about it.