So basically, my ex, let’s call him X and I were a decent couple for a while. He was about two and a half years older than me, and by the time we broke up, we had been dating for around seven months. I ended things, but ever since, he’s been bombarding me with messages, calling me unreasonable and even going as far as to call me a “bitch” for breaking up with him.

When I was around 12, I was harassed. It’s a long and painful story, and to make things even worse, the guy who did it ended up taking his own life afterward. One of the questions I constantly get when I open up about it is, “What were you wearing?” as if what I wore could ever justify what happened to me.

When I told X about the harassment (we were about two months into the relationship at the time), he didn’t ask that question, which I appreciated. I was venting about how much I hate being asked that, and in the process, I ended up saying what I wore just to make a point that it wasn’t anything revealing. I was wearing a pair of black True Religion joggers that happened to be low-waisted (not by choice I didn’t even know what low-waisted meant at the time) and a tight black shirt that I had outgrown a little. None of it was intentional, and it makes me sick that I have to defend myself like that.

Anyway, at the time, X didn’t have a big reaction to the story. Nothing dramatic.

But then a few months later so now we’re about 7 months in I bought a new black top that reminded him of the one I wore when I got harassed. He went off, saying I was “toning” my body too much. For context, I’ve always worked on my waist, and it’s pretty small, which clearly annoyed him. He was like, “Oh, so you’re basically wearing that again.” I didn’t even end up wearing the shirt, and I let it go.

Then, like two weeks later, we were talking about clothes again. He was sweet-talking me, saying stuff like, “Yeah, but I really don’t like the shirts you buy.” I responded, “It’s winter, X. I can’t even wear anything toning or revealing if I wanted to which I don’t.” And he goes, “Yeahhh, but you wore them when you got harassed.”

Let me remind you: the day I was harassed, it was the middle of summer 31°C. It’s not like I was trying to dress a certain way.

Over time, he kept bringing up what I wore that day more and more. Once, I was crying to him about how hard it was to find jeans that fit me nicely. The only ones that ever fit properly were low-waisted, but I had a family event coming up, and my dad mentioned that they might not be appropriate. He didn’t forbid me from wearing them or anything my dad’s actually a really thoughtful person and I trust his judgment, so I agreed.

Anyway, I told X about how frustrating it was not finding any good jeans, and he asked to see my favorite pair. So I showed him and out of nowhere, he stands up and starts screaming at me, saying, “These literally go down to show your pussy.” What?! They absolutely don’t. He even told me that if I wanted to wear them, I’d have to crop my panties. Like, no. That’s not happening.

Eventually, we had an argument and I broke up with him. Since then, he’s been calling me a slut (I didnt even have my first kiss there)

Edit: I forgot to mention ages lol Around that time I was 16 and he was 18 and a half :)