Some context:

Myself, 31 M

My younger brother, Mac 29 M

My brothers girlfriend, Jane 28 F

Therapist, Tina

My brother and his girlfriend live in a different state than me, I’ve only met his girlfriend a handful of times over the course of their relationship.

My younger brother Mac started dating his girlfriend Jane in 2021. Around 1 year into their relationship, I received a phone call from my brother. He was frantic. He told me he and his girlfriend were in bed falling asleep when Jane suddenly rose out of bed in a weird state of mind. He ended up finding out that his girlfriend Jane had been previously diagnosed as schizophrenic.

At the time of this phone call, I was dealing with some schizophrenic-like behavior from my boyfriend’s brother. Boyfriend’s brother was experiencing hallucinations, voices, paranoia, thought people and/or drones were following him, thought people had implanted recording devices in his chest, thought his family was in on it. It was very intense stuff and it got scary a few times. It was later determined that what he was experiencing was a drug-induced psychosis.

So when Mac called me and told me what happened with Jane, I said “I don’t know all of the details but what you’re describing to me doesn’t sound schizophrenia-like. Would you mind if I spoke to my therapist about this?” He happily agreed and was willing to take any support.

I reached out to my therapist, Tina, told her the situation, and she asked if she could get in contact with Mac and Jane. I connect them and long story short, it was believed that what Jane was experiencing was PTSD-like, not a psychotic break or a schizophrenic episode.

What was explained to me was this: Jane had gone through a lot of traumatic stuff before meeting my brother (most relevant being, her ex-boyfriend and his family had her admitted to a psych ward after smoking some weed and got a little loopy and this is where she was diagnosed as schizophrenic) she had been in this fight/flight/freeze kind of survival mode, and her body/brain were repressing things. Once Jane started dating my brother, he provided her with love, patience, stability, and a safe space. Now that Jane was safe, she left the fight/flight/freeze/survival mode and repressed memories were then able to come back into her mind. It was also explained to me that it is very common for these kinds of repressed memories to come back to the mind as you are starting to doze off, when you are kind of in this conscious yet subconscious state of mind.

Jane and Tina developed a relationship and after some time it was determined that Jane had been misdiagnosed as schizophrenic. How they got to that determination? I do not know. I just know that they had her schizophrenia diagnosis removed. Mac and Jane were both very happy to have some answers and a new perspective on everything.

Over the course of about 1 year, things were better. Jane is still a very, very emotional and sensitive person. The littlest bit of dissonance can send her spiraling where she needs to go be alone to recenter. But she is really feeling good about meeting with Tina and the work they are doing. Mac and Jane visited me from out of state and wanted to meet Tina in person to thank her for all of the support she has provided Jane. Which was very shocking to me because my brother has always had a very negative outlook on therapy. Not a direct quote, but this was his philosophy: “People who seek therapy are weak minded cry babies telling their deepest darkest secrets to some random, dirty therapist who is there to infect your mind and bleed your pockets.” I was honestly shocked and thrilled that my brother had come around to the whole therapy thing.

Fast forward another year-ish (May 2024) Jane called me crying, claiming my brother Mac had judged/shamed/pressured her out of therapy. I didn’t ask a lot of questions. I don’t know the full extent of that situation. I do not know what my brother said to her. I just know that I know how my brother has felt about therapy for 99% of his life and that Jane called me telling me she is no longer meeting with Tina. I don’t believe Jane was lying to me.

I was bummed to hear. Ever since the night of the phone call and getting Jane connected with Tina, Jane and I began chatting - mostly about therapy and healing and spiritual stuff. It sounded like things were getting better for her so the fact that she called me telling me my brother has shamed her out of therapy caught me really off guard.

And now for what happened a few days ago:

I was in town visiting my brother, his girlfriend, and some other family. We were out to dinner (minus Jane) and somehow therapy got brought up. My brother made it very clear how much he does not agree with therapy (more than that, he was very judgmental and degrading). He eventually claimed that “Jane stopped meeting with Tina because Tina implanted in Janes mind that Jane had been rap3d.”

I said “wait… what?” Mind you, this is not just Jane’s therapist, but mine as well.

He started to say that Tina asked Jane if she had ever been rap3d. I interrupted him and said “sooo Tina just asked Jane a question?”

He responded “I don’t know. I don’t know what was said.”

And that was the end of the conversation.

Vacation ends, I return home, and it was weighing on me heavily. My brother made a very strong claim about someone who I still see as a therapist. Someone I trust. Someone I have referred other friends and family to.

I messaged Jane to call me when she had time to talk. She calls me and I tell her I’m going to be asking some personal stuff, feel free to tell me it’s none of my business and I will hang up the phone. I tell her about the statement my brother made about Tina. I told her I don’t need to know if she had or had not been assaulted. I was just curious to hear more about this accusation about the therapist I STILL meet.

I learned very quickly that Jane was not in the right state of mind. She never really answered my question clearly, but she did go on to tell me about her grandfather who was actually a lizard demon who rap3d her. Not physically, but spiritually. But also kind of physically. (I don’t know, that’s what she said). How there was a man in the sky reaching out to her. How she was watching the tree of life form in the sky. How she has seen this lizard demon in my brother. ((At this point she was literally convincing herself (to me? to herself? I’m not sure) that my brother was not a demon. That he was not a bad guy.) And then proceeds to tell me that she saw this lizard demons face on me and my family’s face 2 nights ago (my family and I were in town visiting and she came over to our airbnb for a bit).

I gracefully got off the phone, trying not to act confused or alarmed because I didn’t want to confuse her any more than she already clearly was.

Immediately I text my brother and ask him to call me after work.

He calls and asks me what’s up? I started saying “so about the comment you made about Tina the other night at dinner”

He interrupted, huffing and puffing “I KNEW I shouldn’t have said anything. You didn’t call Jane did you?!”

I said “I did”. He was not happy. Before I could even explain to him about the phone call, he was going off. “I can’t believe you did that! You’re my brother how could you do that to me! I would never call your boyfriend behind your back! You should not have done that! She has been in a weird state of mind all week! You should have called me! You should have known better! You have no idea what you just caused!”

To be fair, I do know that Jane is ultra, ultra sensitive. I know that she is easily triggered. I didn’t know that she was in a dissociative state of mind, I mean I just saw her literally 2 days prior. It was not uncommon for her and I to communicate about therapy and the like. And frankly, I do not trust my brother’s perception about therapy - ESPECIALLY considering the fact that Jane called me crying about how Mac judged/shamed/pressured her out of therapy.

Eventually I was able to tell him about the strange conversation Jane and I had. I told him that I was worried about Jane, Mac, and my grandmother (who, as of September 2024, has been living with them part-time). I told him that when I was at his house visiting, I was coloring in this coloring book of Janes (with her approval) when a loose sheet of paper fell out from the back of the coloring book into my lap. On the sheet of paper were notes from Jane. She has IN WRITING “Mac isn’t the bad guy. Mac isn’t the bad guy”. Mac said he knew. I said “you knew about this?!” He said he has it under control. But that I just ruined everything.

I was barely able to get out my entire reason for the phone call - that I was alarmed and concerned. He kept coming back to the fact that I called her behind his back and that I should have known not to call her and if I needed more information about the topic I should have called him. I have never told him that Jane called me crying that Mac pressured her out of therapy. Probably not my proudest moment as a brother, but I wanted Jane to feel like she had someone to talk to since she wasn’t seeing a therapist anymore.

He texted me a few hours later how “she now see’s me (Mac) as the enemy. She’s balled up crying and won’t talk to me. I may need to call an ambulance”

I told him I was sorry to stir this up but it is clear that his unprofessional, self-acclaimed treatment plan isn’t working and she needs more help than he can provide by himself. (During my visit last week, he told me how she has gotten to a point where she can barely even leave the house. She can’t sit down at a restaurant and eat. She can’t go off to the grocery store to shop)

I still haven’t heard back from him. I have texted asking if things are ok and I haven’t heard anything.

My brother claims I crossed a line by reaching out to Jane knowing that she is sensitive and easily triggered. I understand that. Genuinely, I do. But, 1. Mac told me at dinner when I asked what he was talking about he said “I don’t know. I don’t know what was said.” 2. Jane and I have a dialogue MOSTLY, specifically about Tina and therapy and healing. 3. I do not trust my brother to give me a fair, unbiased explanation about anything therapy related, ESPECIALLY after getting the phone call from Jane crying saying my brother pressured her out of therapy. He calls all therapists “the rap1sts”. The + rap1st = therapist. “They rap3 your minds”.

So, AITA for calling my brother’s girlfriend without his knowledge or consent to confirm the accusation he made about my and Jane’s therapist being a brainwashing lunatic infecting our minds with harmful information?