I’ve (35f) been going to the same dental office since I was a kid. I’ve always been happy with them, but the other day I got a new hygienist and things felt off. She wasn’t draining my mouth properly: at one point water spilled down my cheek, and at another point I aspirated some and started choking. She also pinched my gum with the mirror. Another thing I thought was odd, when I interrupted the cleaning cuz I was choking on water, she never resumed the part of my molars she was working on before.

I know these are small things, but they impacted my overall sense of her competence. I was especially nervous when she was scaling, since sloppy scaling can contribute to gum recession (my friend recently had multiple surgeries to correct gum recession caused by physical damage to one of her gums).

As I was leaving, I booked my next appointment and asked to be placed with my old hygienist. That could’ve been it, but at the door I hesitated and went back in. I spoke with the office manager, and told her a few of the specifics that went wrong. I emphasized that the hygienist I was with seemed nice and experienced, and that it seemed like a training issue more than anything else (this wasn’t really true, but I was trying not to be harsh). I said I didn’t want to get her in trouble. The office manager made a comment implying that this woman had some kind of problem, and I interrupted and said again that she seemed really nice.

As soon as I left, I started to feel super guilty. I kept thinking about the hygienist—she’d been telling me about her kids and her personal life. For all my trying to soften the criticism, I might’ve gotten her fired. I think there might have been something going on with that woman on a personal level, and I don’t know, maybe I could’ve extended more grace. I’m imagining her undergoing some kind of Dickensian fall, and my actions being the catalyst.

I’m considering calling the clinic back and recanting, blaming myself being in a bad mood or something. But there were real issues, and the clinic should probably know?

Give it to me straight, reddit—am I the asshole?