Hi, I've never posted on reddit before but i literally dont have any other person i can talk to about this. I'm going to be vague on certain details just on the very off chance that a family member could stumble across this.

I (20f) am considering cutting off contact with a family member (40) who is an alcoholic, not forever, just until he can get at least some of his shit together. I know that it likely sounds as though I have no empathy for him, but I do. Im not perfect by any means, but I've tried to be there for him, I've looked after his kids when he was paralytic, I stopped a man from beating the life out of him when he drunkenly got in a fight.

Don't get me wrong, I completely get that alcoholism is a disease, it's not something that can be switched off, it's extremely hard to get sober, I understand that. The tricky thing is, when he gets drunk he can get incredibly verbally abusive. Especially over text. I've had messages from him when he's drunk saying that I'm a fat, ugly, dumb, lazy c*nt, that I was the real reason my gran got cancer (I know that's obviously not true but it still felt horrible), that I'm a disgusting human being, that the way I look makes him feel physically ill, etc.

He never takes accountability for his words or apologises, he won't even talk about the things he says and does when he's drunk because it makes him feel bad about himself (understandably). It's also tricky because we have a really good relationship overall when he's sober, some of my memories when I have laughed the hardest and had the most fun have been with him, and I don't want to discount all that he's done for me. To a certain extent, I can handle the things he says about me, I've said worse things to myself, but when he starts saying things about my family and the people I love, that's when I really can't stand it.

If this only happened a couple times a year or once every couple of months, it would be different. But this happens multiple times a week, sometimes daily. I don't want to be cruel or unkind, but I also can't stand the way he talks about people I care about.

I'm not planning on never talking to him again, just until he's gotten help to the point where this isn't happening constantly. Am I an arsehole for wanting to cut him off?