I'll try to keep it short.

Background: my husband died of his own choice 7 years ago, and I had to come home to find him, so i have a bit of trauma and survivors guilt. I knew he was depressed and did everything I could to be supportive, but I was afraid to call 911 or involve intense professionals due to the risk of them just making things worse (he said he would not go to the hospital). I miss him every single day. I've lived my whole life with depression and anxiety even before that. But I've been recovering and I'm doing so much better. He's one of the people who saved my life.

I (33F) convinced my friend (35M with autism, that will be relevant) to web message that 988 suicide prevention line. He's been depressed but was starting to get more scary saying he didn't know if he could make it thru work, or the weekend, etc. On the chat I found out he even had a plan and had been looking up ways to do so, even if he didn't know if he'd be able to. He works but barely and can't keep up. He's been struggling with severe depression, severe anxiety, and severe autistic burnout. I tried doing research on autistic burnout and nothing was remotely helpful, he was past the part of trying every single way to reduce his obligations and stressors. He's been in counseling and on medications from a psychiatrist.

I went inpatient 6 years ago and it saved my life. It got me some footing and a break from reality, enough to start my healing. I didn't want more survivors guilt. I thought it would be worth trying.

But, things are not working out for him. I took him to the ER and of course they transferred him to any place that had a bed, less than 2 star rating out of 5. He is miserable. Today I called to check in on him and he, very kindly but honestly, said he's kinda mad at me for making him do this and saying it would help, when it's just overwhelming and he wants to go home. There were some loud other patients and other factors. Maybe I should have just let him have his autonomy as an adult and let him decide. Or just found a different therapist bc his was pretty bad (seeing her 5+ years and she's never done safety planning even tho he's been open about his ideation)

I know in my heart I want to believe I did the right thing. I felt such relief after taking him to the ER. But after hearing him say that he's mad at me for "convincing him to go", that he is so miserable in that facility and feels "worse than before", I broke down crying and I feel like now I've failed two people in my life who were struggling with depression, even though I did something different. I don't really regret it through. I couldn't handle feeling responsible for another person's death. So AITA?