My older sister and I have had a terrible relationship since we were kids. She was extremely competitive with me since I was a baby before I even understood the nature of competition. She struggles with either BPD or HPD or most probably NPD but basically some extreme mental disorders and she is a very disturbed person in general. She has been officially diagnosed with BPD but I am certain that it is something much deeper, more severe than that, as I know people in my life who have BPD and they are not as genuinely evil as she is, I would describe them as just "troubled" or struggling mentally but not truly horrible people to their core.

I remember she started abusing me when I was around 4 or 5, I was a very caring sister to her. When she was jealous of the amount of presents I would get, I would give her half of my presents so she would feel better. My parents always discuss a memory they have of when one day, we both had helium balloons, she accidentally let go of hers and she started crying and I felt so horrible that I let go of mine to so she wouldn't have to look at me and feel sorry she had let go of hers. I treated her nicely despite how she treated me until I was about fifteen. Over the years, she has gone through massive identity shifts, exploring "aesthetics/styles" like fashionista, anorexic, east african, goth, baddie/party girl, muslim. During all of those phases up until muslim, she abused me horribly. It was mostly emotional/verbal abuse but when she was physical, she was sadistic.

My most clear memory is when I was 10, we were at a birthday party next door. At the time she was in her anorexia phase and the hosts gave us a lot of chicken and chips to eat on the other side of the yard. As I was only ten years old, my stomach got full quickly and I finished the majority of her plate, she hadn't touched hers and started suggested I eat it. I told her I was full, but she didn't listen. Eventually she pressured and threatened me more and more and began force feeding me HER plate of food, my stomach was in so much pain and I began crying and she just kept yelling and yelling at me to eat it and pressuring me to finish it and threatening me insulting me saying horrible things to me. My stomach felt like it was going to burst and I was in tears and the hosts couldn't hear me as they were further away and she threatened to humiliate me if I spoke up. It was not normal. She even used to abuse one of our dogs because she thought it was "annoying" she would hit it, call it ugly, starve it when she had the opportunity to and generally treat it so badly to the point that it even felt scared around her. On top of that, at school she was extremely popular, hell our whole city knew her, even people in other countries, but they never knew HER.

At school I did my best to separate myself from her, whenever she went through a new phase, I made sure to change my style to be opposite to hers so people wouldn't know we were related. I changed my hairstyle, talking voice, accent, fashion, anything to be different from her. I don't want to list every single story that I have, but basically, she was HORRIBLE to me, HORRIBLE. She ruined my self esteem. When I was young I was incredibly confident, I could sing, dance anything in front of other people. Parents and friends generally loved my outgoing and funny nature, but she ruined it at the time. She would insult me, humiliate me, one up me, berate me, start smear campaigns about me at school, body shame me, call me ugly, insult my ambitions and goals in life, lock me in rooms and scream at me until I cried and begged to be let out, spread rumours about me, turn my friends against me, whatever you can imagine in your head, she did. On top of that, we had a woman growing up who would take care of me and my sister when our parents were gone, she understood our family extremely well because she LIVED with us for 5 years. Her and I were extremely close and she would comfort me when my sister made me cry. She HATED my sister, my sister had no respect for her and would not treat her well. I am still close with her till this day.

I even remember as far back as my early childhood, she didn't want her close friend to like me, so they walked with me to a forest 20 minutes from her friend's house and left me there all alone and went swimming at the hotel near their residence; I was between 4-7 years of age at the time. When she got into her muslim phase, she began acting "different" trying to be a "better" person, but I saw right through it, it's all for personal gain. She got married to a muslim man at 18 and moved to a different province which I am very happy about because now we don't live in the same house. Today she came back to visit and I am not happy at all. I ignored her and did not greet her and my parents got very mad at me. In general, my immediate family members constantly try to pressure me to forgive her because she is my "sister". My mum is well aware of the fact that she abused me growing up and she is a very poor listener. In our old apartment, we shared a bathroom and to say the least, she is very unhygienic. The toilet constantly had brown/yellow stains in it, the mirror was always covered in toothpaste and grime, the sink was allows covered in grime and stains, the shower I don't even want to think about. I hate using bathrooms of that condition so I communicated HUNDREDDS HUNDREDDS THOUSANDS of times for that to change and she NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER changed, as usual, so I started using my mums.

After she moved out, we moved into a new apartment that I was so excited about, I had the luxury of having my own clean tidy beautiful bathroom and I was so proud and happy to finally have one. After arriving at our new apartment visiting from the other province, she used my bathroom to pee, shower, and wash her hands; I was disgusted. I cried to my mum and she yelled at me, telling me I was overreacting and that I need to get over it. After she used it I sprayed a ton of all purpose cleaner all over my bathroom and tomorrow I will fully clean my bathroom. All my life I have had to make sacrifices for my "sister", I have had to be the perfect child in comparison to her to keep my parents happy and my bathroom was the one thing I could finally have for me, for myself, for once.

AITA?? Be honest.