I (26M, white) have been dating my girlfriend (25F, Black) for a little over a year and a half. She’s one of the best people I’ve ever known — funny, driven, insanely patient (especially with my family), and just a genuinely good person. My parents were polite when they met her, and my brother (28M) seemed cool too. He even made a couple jokes about me “dating up,” so I figured he liked her.

Last weekend, I grabbed a beer with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a while. He used to be pretty close with my brother too, and we were reminiscing about high school and people we’d lost touch with. Out of nowhere, he goes, “Man, can’t believe you’re still with [girlfriend’s name] after what your brother said last year.”

I was like, “What are you talking about?”

He got weirdly quiet but eventually admitted that, apparently, not long after I first introduced my girlfriend to the family, my brother made a “joke” in a group chat with some mutual friends. It went something like: “Didn’t know my brother had a thing for BET now” followed by some comment about “trying to get invited to the cookout.”

I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. No one told me at the time because they thought it would blow over or that it wasn’t worth creating drama. But a whole year has passed — my brother’s had plenty of chances to say something, apologize, literally anything. And meanwhile, he’s been smiling to my girlfriend’s face like nothing ever happened.

I haven’t confronted him directly. I just stopped replying to his texts. He reached out a couple times, and now my mom’s involved, asking what’s going on. I told her. Her response? “It was just a joke. Don’t be so sensitive. You’re really going to break up the family over something that dumb?”

I honestly don’t even know how to explain to her that it’s not just a joke. I don’t want my girlfriend around someone who sees her as a punchline, and I don’t feel like pretending it’s fine. My parents think I’m being “dramatic” and “divisive.” But I feel like I’d be betraying her (and honestly myself) if I acted like nothing happened.

So… AITA for going no contact with my brother over a racist joke he made a year ago?