I (f 36) was taken from my father through a court custody order from my father to live with my mother (f59) at 14. I never wanted to go. She used the sympathies of the courts and lawyers to crush my father who was disabled and poor.

My parents separated when I was about 13 with my mother telling us (5 kids) she is leaving to start a new family because we are “bad” kids. Prior to moving & while my parents were together my mother was particularly abusive to me which I think has to do with me being the only girl among 4 boys and my father doted on me.

After moving in with her and within months, my mother’s boyfriend began to groom me. He would try to coach me. Tell me about sex. Question my virginity, told me he was once with a mother and her daughter. At the time the age of consent was 14. I think he wanted me to comply. However I was resistant. He then tried forcible ways which included holding me down, kissing me, touching my privates, probably touching my privates when I slept, and generally doing things which made me feel like I had to fight him from succeeding in molesting me.

I told my mother after the first few months and my brother. Her reaction? To beat me and tell me that my father told me to tell that lie.

After this first time, step father eased up a little but he was vindictive, often telling lies on me regarding chores etc and causing her to beat me badly. In one instance he told her not to sign as guarantor for my college diploma. A stranger signed. I am now in a lucrative high paying job after moving to another country and building my life on my own.

Within a two year of the three years (14-17)this happened I told my mother and her reaction the second time was to slap me and beat me with a rope.

During the course of time I endured the grooming and later aggressive actions to molest me I told one of my brothers (m13) .

Many years later I found out that my brother told another brother (m16) and they both went to buy an illegal gun to unalive step father.

The step father beat and used my mother financially, in addition to making us work as child labourers. At times when we did summer jobs and we refused to hand over money except for food (my mother refused to provide any necessities for us and often verbally abused us about him not being a good father who provided) the step father made her lock us out and we had to sleep outside.

he made my mother took out loans upon loans and later robbed her of assets that money purchased and dumped her and went back to his ex-wife. Their relationship lasted less than 4 years.

My mother has never apologised for what happened to me. The fact that she never believed me or stood up for me has hurt me so much and affects me in my relationships with men. Despite this, over the years since I was a teenager I took care of her responsibility including raising my youngest brother when she left the country and being a parentified child and pseudo mother for my other brothers. And even later I sent money to her every month to assist with her mortgage and bills despite my feelings towards her.

I started therapy more than a year ago and I felt like my resentment and anger towards her was coming to a place of peace bc I spoke to her about how much it hurt me and I had hoped that us having an honest conversation would help to mend the damage between us. In fact we had a convo about her cousin raping his step daughter and she appeared distraught for the victim in that situation and for whatever reason I felt that that emotion extended to me.

However, I decided to visit my mother this week after 2 years of not seeing her.

One night this week, I was expressing concern about my older brother’s separation after seeing nephew (17m) having grey hairs. It made me so sad and distraught. I mentioned this to my brother and my mother, and related it to how I failed a grade when my parents separated.

My mother immediately became defensive and started talking about how she HAD to leave my father because of how bad he was etc ( he was an alcoholic and she claimed he was physically abusive). My brother was upset at the statement bc it was irrelevant and I also joined and somehow the step father came up and my mother said to me, “ I don’t know what that man ever did to you for you to hate him so much”.

I was immediately hurt and disappointed and angry and became emotional, shouting at her about what she was talking about when she knew exactly what that man did to me.

There was a huge fight and back and forth and my mother started to shout that I lie and I am a liar. And I in turn began to bring up things including that she was complicit in the knowledge of the sexual abuse I was dealing with but she also lied for the step father to police when he physically attacked my brother (13m) who confronted him about what he was trying to do to me.

My mother then began to lie that she never KNEW anything about what I was talking about. But that is a LIE because I told her twice. And she beat me. And she went to the police and said the reason the step father slapped and choked my brother was because he had a gun in a bag. My brother did not have a gun.

After confronting my mother (it felt really good and felt like healing moment) she also told me I was dead to her and I shouldn’t come to her funeral.

My brother also told her that he would spit in the step father’s coffin when he dies. My mother was offended. She and that man broke up more than 15 years ago.

I have now decided that it is best to cut my mother off because I now believe that when I did therapy all of her reactions and shallow apology was fake. She either doesn’t believe anything I say or something else is going on with her and she is constantly idolizing and praising the step father despite him physically abusing and robbing her but also harming me and my brothers in the ways mentioned above.

Am I an asshole for deciding that I no longer want a relationship with my mother because she continues to abandon me, treats me terribly and lies on me? I feel bad about this decision as she is now entering the elder years of her life and need her children (none of whom have a good relationship with her bc she continues to be selfish and is quicker to support a man she is with rather us. They have tried because I asked them to but she also accused me of “poisoning” everyone against her. I have never told my brothers to hate my mother or not be there for her. Rather I encourage them to since I live abroad and they are closer to her. However she makes no effort and doesn’t even try to be nice to her grandkids.

I apologize that this is so long but there is so much more to this and I feel like I need to vent. However this is now affecting my mental health and it has affected me and my decision as to whether I wanted to become a mother.