this is a very old situation!! I have unresolved trauma from my childhood which led me to cope through alcohol and I had several dangerous encounters with alcohol during my teenage years.

Way back, I got into a relationship with my first love. He was incredibly against drinking. He made it clear that he didn’t want to date anyone who did no-matter how minimally. He was aware of the extent of my past addiction and I told him I would stop for him, which was incredibly hard, but I did.

The first problem was ten months into our relationship, I had a glass of champagne at a wedding surrounded by family. I didn’t think this fit his criteria of drinking, but I let him know anyway. This led to him blowing up at me, swearing at me etc. However, we moved past this.

The second problem was entirely my fault. Almost two years into our relationship I attended a houseparty that I did not intend to drink at. Due to my adhd I am impulsive and fall to peer pressure easily. I ended up drinking at this party. I bitterly regretted it started crying, begging everyone not to tell him (he did not attend the party.) However, the guilt ate at me and I ended up telling him two days later when I saw him. He is a very stoic person and I had never seen him cry before. However, he burst into tears. We almost broke up that night, however we talked through it and I left his house at 2am with the confirmation from him that we weren’t going to end things.

For the next 2 weeks he completely stopped talking to me, stating that his mental health had taken a turn for the worse. (He had isolated himself in the past when this had happened) I felt bad and understood, however, a few weeks later he was seemingly normal again, talking to everyone except me. (The only time he spoke to me during this was to vent, in which I was responsible for all of his problems as he had no other emotional support, this took a toll on my mental health but I continued to support him.) I brought this up to him, stating that I understood what I had done but things can’t continue like this, especially when he is capable of talking to others.

Shortly after this, most of his friends had started drinking (most of us are 17/18 by this point) and so he took back his stance completely on alcohol, started drinking at parties and going out frequently. Things seemed fine between us. I was still catering to all of his problems, had to teach him how to form proper relationships with others and how to make plans with people. (He was quite isolated before I taught him this, never really leaving his house or talking to other people outside of school hours.) However the normality was short lived. Every time we met after this it would consist of him being extremely unhappy, not making any effort to communicate with me. The only time he’d give me affection/attention was if something sexual was initiated by me. (However I don’t THINK this was intentional.) This began to take a toll on me, he had started drinking and the alcohol incident occurred months ago, so I didn’t think that was the issue. He blamed it all on his mental health and couldn’t really tell me why he was acting the way he was. He began to say things like “I think I love you/I don’t know if I love you” and other unintentional but extremely hurtful comments. (I am still acting as his counsellor throughout all of this.)

The final straw was a month later. We both attended a party which we both got drunk at. He was very affectionate towards me when he was drunk and I was extremely happy that he was finally treating me like his partner again. The alcohol brought out an emotional side to me and I pulled him aside and told him I was so worried about our relationship. He assured me, in a drunken state, that everything would be fine and that he loved me. Towards the end of the night, when I had to leave, I noticed something was off. I asked him and he said “I’m pretty certain you vaped.” (This was still a deal breaker for him) This was entirely false, however I did not have time to talk to him about it as I had to leave. When I got home I texted him about it, he responded with extremely hurtful messages and was horrible to me over text. (Threats to break up with me, general insults that you should never say to a partner, and threatening to ditch me and the conversation.) When he sobered up the next morning he apologised profusely. He broke up with me, stating that he “couldn’t be the person I deserved” and stated that it actually was becahse I had drank at the party months ago. However, I was in a vulnerable state, clinging on to the relationship. He knew this and led me on for a few weeks, using me yet again as an emotional support system as he had no one else. When he finally found his feet, he ditched me, continued drinking and took my advice about going out more and becoming more social. He was putting more effort into people he barely knew than he put into a two year long relationship. I was angry at the reasoning as he was drinking frequently now and thought it didn’t make sense. I was also mad about the effort he was immediately able to put into his friendships even though he couldn’t give me half of that over a two year span. So, do you think I’m TAH for drinking at that party?