Hello everyone, I'm a little distraught from recent events and wanted to hear people's opinions towards it. Recently, I had to end two long term friendships because I noticed there was an imbalance with empathy.

(I'm sorry if my grammar is bad...)

One friend, we'll call her T, has broken my trust several times. Since there aren't friends in our circle who would stand up, I would always be the confrontational type on behalf of others' feedback, and let her know often whenever she might be doing something harmful towards others or being selfish. Her main tendencies are being free-spirited, mostly talks about herself, prioritizes her wants, and flirts with many men. These traits caused some broken friendships and relationships. I always believed in change towards her, and when I started to crumble, she would apologize, cry and say she feels like I won't be her friend anymore, and repeat the same mistakes. After inner buildups in my head + constant reminders, we had a few deep arguments involving her unwillingness to change. After she promised to change, in just two months, she broke 3 people's (including mine) trust because she performed indecent exposure to a friend who was taken. Again, she kept defending herself, cried wanting me to stay friends with her, and I felt like she would say things just to try and sway me. During that same trip, she made empathy mistakes I tried to pass, but it felt too freshly painful since our last argument about this was just a month prior. She proceeded to text me saying she stopped eating and sleeping, and I felt too ruined to reply. After our friendship ended, her mom kept requesting skincare discounts from my workplace and I would get alerts saying she's been playing games or commenting jokes on instagram reels. (These could just be incidences of her distracting herself from the issue, but they rubbed me the wrong way.)

The other friend, E, is someone who I was closer to emotionally and someone my friends were a little sad about when they heard we aren't friends anymore. E would have better friendship motives, but her communication would be on the weaker side. During the year I noticed T & E's empathy issues, I noticed that she wouldn't remember my important needs in a friendship and wouldn't be the type to remember past conversations. People noticed she has been forgetful with things, and it was important for me at the time to have someone show attention. I wouldn't rant or whine about life, but when I do express a particular issue going on, I noticed it's hard for her to ask for a follow up or show that she cares. Initially, I remember providing different, indirect ways to let her know how. I remember sympathizing with her older sister and mutuals, and would keep their statements and feedback in mind, as if I felt like I had the duty to help change her actions. Since I started to feel a bit drained and alone, I noticed I would feel upset over small things? An example is how she would offer gestures like involving rides or paying for food instead. It wouldn't be aligned with what I needed, which is communication. In the last argument we had, I mentioned how I needed friends who care about my goals and what i'm up to. I even remember effortlessly listing a lot of specific things T & E have been telling me about recently. I then randomly asked if they know what my job is. They didn't know how to answer it.

Currently, I'm with an amazing new social circle that supplies my needs and wants. They are all employed and *check up on me. (I feel like I never had someone ask "Any updates on this situation?") I've been feeling so deprived that I even teared up when a friend remembered my favorite gemstone. (Silly I know...) But I feel like that never happened with my long term friends.

I received a letter in the mail from E, stating that i'm horrible for what i've done to T during the weekend she indecently exposed our friend. I felt burdened because T successfully victimized again, and E doesn't know I was the one trying to save the entire trip. (I had to be the one to tell T the things she did that was wrong. The person she exposed herself to deems it as trauma.) I remember in the beginning, telling the friends who joined that weekend that I believed In T...

Please let me know what you think.

Self note: An update from months of therapy is that I lowered expectations from friends and I'm trying to be less selfless/forgiving...