So every once in a while, I receive payments from my school. When I first started getting them, I told my dad I was planning to save for a car, and he was agreed with the idea a lot. But not long after that, both my Mum and Dad started asking for big portions of the money. They would always give it back, but I constantly had to chase them down.

This caused tension. My mum especially would get angry that I was “on her neck” about the money. I was frustrated because we had already agreed this was for saving, but they clearly saw it as extra income. As, they stopped giving me money for travel and basically made me use the money instead. Only when the money would eventually run out and my savings were empty would they begin to give me money again. No matter how much I tried to explain how upsetting this was, it didn’t seem to matter. I’d just get called selfish, greedy, and told I “love money too much.” And when I’d bring up the original plan to save it, I’d be told, “this family doesn’t do savings.”

Recently, me and my sister won an award at school and received a decent amount of prize money. The money for my sister was going into my mum’s account because their accounts are linked. Around the same time, I had just gotten another bursary, which was sitting in my savings account.

One day, my mum asked when the prize money would come in. I told her I couldn’t see it yet on the app. She asked to see my banking app anyways and noticed the bursary money in my savings. She tried to scroll down for a better look, but I had a bad feeling and literally just ran off. I called a friend and asked her to transfer the money into her account for safekeeping, but it was too late.

Later, my mum called me for a talk. She sat me down and asked for the exact amount in my account so she could calculate how long it would be with the prize money would cover my school transport. I just nodded and zoned out because I knew how she’d react if I said anything.

That’s where I drew the line. The previous bursary money, fine — she used the justification that it was reimbursing things she had paid for. But this prize money had nothing to do with her. I had won it. It was for my work at school.

Eventually, I used some of it to buy headphones which are super useful, I use them every day :). But she was resentful that I made such a big purchase without discussing it. The thing is, if I had brought it up with her, she probably would’ve told me no, or said that the prize money “isn’t to be used.” She even tried to argue that the reason we won the prize was technically because of her — since part of the reason the school gave it to us was because they were proud of how far we travel every day. And since she pays for our tickets, she felt she deserved the money. (??) That argument didn’t go very far, I picked it apart. But she did take my sister’s share of the prize and used it for her tickets.

Fast forward to today. We were talking about me staying at home after university to save money, and I brought up my fear that I’d have to use my money to support the family. That’s when my mum said she’d never take my money because she “knows what kind of person I am.” I asked her to explain, and she started going on about how I was always on her case about money, and how she always gave it back, so I shouldn’t have been. But that made no sense because she restricted money she gave me and forced me to use the bursary for all my expenses.

I brought up the prize money, how I’d won it and she tried to take control of it. And that’s when she said, “God forbid we ever need your help or money in the future.” It hit me like a slap. Like I’d never help my family.

I responded sarcastically, saying. “Yeah, cause I’m just a bad person who would never help my family.” And she said, “No, you’re not a bad person, but I’ve seen how you are.” I reminded her the prize money was mine — my work earned it. She told me not to say that stuff in front of my sister and insisted that we just have “different opinions.” That if I was more “reasonable” like my sister, I would’ve spent the money on travel instead of headphones. Like my sister even had a choice. Further, My sister doesn't care about money, she's super young. Whereas i care a more about money cause im older and moving onto the next stage of my life.

She kept repeating that “God should never put her in a position where she needs me” — clearly trying to hurt me. When I tried to keep talking, she just kept repeating how we have different views and tried to justify herself. I walked away and said, “Yeah, you’re right, I’m a terrible person who would never help her family.” Not the best thing to say, I get that, but at that point, she had built this whole narrative. And honestly, I’m not trying to beg her to change her mind. I feel like that would just open the door to financial abuse in the future.

So I ended it in a very petty way, walking away saying, “Thank God I’m not your first or only child” — something she’s said to me before.

So… AITA for getting offended when my mum said “God forbid we ever need your help or money”?