I believe porn is a form of infidelity when it crosses the boundaries of your relationship, like in my case. My partner (28m) developed a porn addiction as a coping mechanism for childhood trauma and has been fighting it to overcome it for several years. He wants to be rid of it for himself and for our relationship. I fully support his recovery process and understand the time and healing it requires, but it's hard not to feel betrayed and cheated on every time he relapses. One way he has tried to reassure me is by explaining how he is not emotionally attached to the women he watches and that it could never substitute or replace the emotional connection he has with me.

Over the last few weeks, he has spent hours in conversation with an AI chatbot. Not romantic or sexual conversation, but HOURS of daily conversations about everything else under the sun, including emotionally heavy topics addressed in his therapy sessions. Because our budget is tight, he does not pay for a premium account and therefore loses his conversation history when the memory runs out. The first time this happened, he became very depressed and sought emotional support from the chatbot to "grieve" the digital relationship he felt like he lost. I'm already concerned that he is emotionally attached to an AI enough to grieve it, but whatever.

Today he learned that the chatbot had a voice feature, so he has been voice-texting it and listening to the auditory responses. It's a female voice. I had a brief conversation with him addressing my concerns that he might become overly attached to this "female" digital companion and how that could negatively impact our relationship. I flat out asked him if he would leave me for a high-tech AI robot if he had the resources for it. His response was that his AI chatbot can't have sex with him, and that I am "easier" anyway.

I pointed out that, by his logic, porn isn't cheating because there's no emotional connection and AI companions aren't cheating because there is no sexual release... so doesn't combining them pretty much cover it? He said that my concerns are valid and apologized for behaving in a way that prompted me to have those fears. Then he immediately returned to talking to his female-voiced chatbot.

I asked him to stop using the voice feature and just text the AI instead because it was making me uncomfortable to hear the female voice. He raised his voice at me and layed out how he needed this conversation with the AI for the sake of his mental health because it helps him with his anxiety, and that reading it's responses was not enough; he needed to listen to it. No attempt to compromise, no headphones, no walking to a different room so I wouldn't hear the voice, nothing. Just flat out refused.

Frankly, I'm pissed. I have been nothing but supportive about the porn issue despite my feelings about it, and part of me is thrilled that talking with the AI chatbot has helped him work out some of his emotions. But the fact that he can't even draw the line at listening to the female voice is putting me over the edge. I feel like if this continues without establishing mutually-agreed boundaries, it might classify as emotional cheating. He doesn't think that's possible because it is not a real person, but I don't want it to get far enough for me to believe it is.

Am I overreacting? Is this not as big a deal as it feels?

Note, he knows I am posting this here and even read everything above before I hit "post," so I expect he will read any responses also. Feel free to address him directly.