I recently lost my uncle, who I lived with, and shared the news with my close friends. During my grieving, I didn’t expect constant check-ins, but I needed presence. In my culture, when someone loses a loved one, people typically visit or at least acknowledge it—especially when they’re directly told about the loss.

W, one of my closest friends, was someone I thought would be there emotionally. However, after the funeral, I felt she missed the mark. A day after my uncle was buried, she offered me a place to stay, which felt like a very easy gesture. Meanwhile, she hung out with other friends but didn’t visit me, which hurt. I would’ve been okay if she had said upfront that she couldn’t visit, but instead, days later, she posted in our group chat (me, W, and A) saying she "missed us," and she and A gave me money I didn’t ask for.

I lashed out in the group chat, saying, “You miss us but didn’t even visit me during my grief.” Her response felt defensive and dismissive. She said she had asked how I was doing and didn’t want to cross boundaries if I needed to be alone. She also knew I had people visiting my house and a funeral gathering.

Additionally, she said, "Okay sorry, I regret saying I miss you. It seems safer like that. I'm also struggling right now, but personally, I would never attack my own friend. I don’t expect anything from you, and I’ll accept care in any form. If you didn’t show action, I still feel supported by you behind the scenes. To make a visit... I don’t have the money, and my mind is a mess right now. The money I gave is just my effort; it’s my fault I didn’t go, but it’s up to you how you handle it. I can’t do more than I can afford."

Her response focused on her own struggles and seemed to justify her lack of effort to support me. The tone felt off, and it hurt that she didn’t directly address the fact that she hadn’t been there for me.

I couldn’t continue the conversation and left the group, realizing maybe the friendship wasn’t as deep as I thought.

A, who is also in the group, didn’t reach out after I left. I noticed W, A, and the rest of our friend circle still hung out without inviting me, like nothing had happened. It wasn’t about expecting attention, but it stung feeling completely left out.

I feel guilty for lashing out, as it’s not how I usually handle things, but I also can’t help feeling that the friendship wasn’t as strong as I thought.

AITA for lashing out and leaving the group?