Sorry in advance this is a long story…

I (27F) have two “siblings” (31M) and (29F) who aren’t apart of my life and haven’t been for the last 10 years, apart from seeing them here and there around other family members & events.

This story goes back so far. And there is honestly so many details and situations that would take way too long to explain.

For story sake, let’s call my “brother” Jerry and my “sister” Maria.

For background with Maria, everything started when she was dating a guy in 8th grade and their relationship was on and off all throughout high school. Maria and I were always very close. Best friends. We did everything together. At one point, my eldest sister and I were contacted by other girls with proof that Maria’s boyfriend was cheating on her. We came to her with this and in response, we got the typical toxic relationship response of, “you just don’t want us to be happy” blah blah blah. The rest of those years consisted of me trying to be there for her/stick up for her (because my parents couldn’t be bothered to stick up for their own daughter), but the entire situation ruined our relationship and she ended up hating me. The cherry on top was that at her highschool graduation party, my mom said I had to stay in the basement the entire duration because Maria said I wasn’t “invited”. It was my family home that I as a 16year old girl lived in. But as I was asked, I stayed in the basement and my aunt (my mother’s sister) brought me food because she felt bad.

Maria went no contact with the entire family for 6 years after this graduation party because our brother Jerry, got in a fistfight with her boyfriend at the end of it. We heard through the grapevine she ended up getting married to her boyfriend at some point. I’m not sure.

Maria ended reaching out after 6 years. I was with my now husband for around 3 years at that point and very pregnant with our first child (who is now 6 years old in present time). She had never met my husband before. But he knew about everything of course.

She called me and my eldest sister who I was with at the time, not to apologize, but to say, she wanted to be back in our lives and misses the family. My eldest sister was obviously and understandably very upset. They had a conversation on the phone that I could faintly hear. But we agreed to meet up with her at my eldest sister‘s house. When that time came, everything went fine, but I thought it was so strange there was never an apology for anything that happened, but I decided that we could just move forward.

Fast-forward to my daughter being born, Maria was around. She was very helpful and it felt like old times again. We fell into having a playful relationship like we used to.

One day, there was a family get together and a ceremony for my younger brother that was becoming an Eagle Scout. My husband and I saw my sister Maria and her husband and went to go sit down next to them. When we sat down, Maria glared at us, stood up and told her husband that they were moving and they went and sat across the aisle. My husband and I were so confused. When the ceremony was over, we left, and my eldest sister called me and said that Maria was having a mental breakdown at my parents house about me. I had no idea what was going on. Maria never said anything when she was face to face with me or would just walk away or avoid even talking to me or being around me. I tried to figure out what was going on, and my parents just kept sweeping things under the rug saying to stay away from her and just leave it alone. Maria made it very clear that she hated me from that point on. This had gone on for years. On multiple occasions she had told parents and siblings that they needed to choose either me or her and she was very in and out of everybody’s lives again.

Over the next couple of years, there had been multiple occasions she has tried to blame random things on me or sabotage relationships with my siblings and I. Sadly, a few times she has been successful which has absolutely destroyed me.

I had tried to sit down and talk with her and ask her what I did to upset her so much and why she hates me and all she could tell me is that after I had my daughter I was “different”and that she thinks I’m a horrible person. She could never tell me anything that I did to her, and I literally apologized just for upsetting her and being around.

I had suffered with severe postpartum depression and anxiety, and I wasn’t myself so I didn’t know if I did anything to upset her, but she never could tell me anything I did.

Looking back now, I realized all she ever talked about was wanting a family. When I had my daughter, she would hold my daughter and look at her and say to her husband “don’t you want one?” and her husband would tell her absolutely not.

So looking back on this, I’ve realized the reason she’s treated me so horribly is because she has been projecting. I know that now.

Onto Jerry. He is my eldest brother and we were always very close even when Maria wasn’t talking to any of us. Him and I were very close and he was close with my husband when we were freshly married.

Jerry started dating this girl shortly my husband and I got married. Let’s call her Jenny.

Me and Jenny became friends quickly. Things started to go downhill with her when she invited me to her birthday party. I was still under age at the time, but I was gonna go just to have fun and be there for her. The week of, she ended up telling me she didn’t feel comfortable having me there because I was under age and I totally understood since substances would be around. I later see a Snapchat and notice that the reason that Jenny didn’t invite me is because she invited Maria instead. I had no idea that Jerry and Maria were even talking since Maria had disowned all of us again. I was hurt by this so I started to distance myself a little bit.

A few other scenarios happened that made me not want to be as close with Jerry and Jenny anymore.

The final nail in the coffin for me, was not long after my youngest child was born (he is now 4).

My youngest brother showed me a text thread that they all had together of them sending screenshots of photos of my nieces and my kids, and making fun of their appearances.

I was livid. I cut off all contact with them. I later find out they were trying to blame the entire fallout on me and making me seem like some bitch because I didn’t want to be in their lives because of this.

So many more things have happened since then one of them being Jerry and Jenny coming to my house (of course when my husband was conveniently at work) to let me know I wasn’t gonna be invited to their wedding and that I’m a horrible bitch. In front of my children. The list goes on.

Fast-forward to present day. Both Jerry and Maria are divorced (shocking I know). Jerry lived out of state so he currently lives at my parents house at 31 years old while he tries to get his life together. Maria is in a new relationship with some younger guy and planning on moving out of state soon. I saw them at my mother‘s birthday dinner and they were nice and not treating me horribly and I realized it was because they were out of their bad situations and miserable relationships.

In hindsight, I was happy that a family event that they showed up to, could be peaceful for once. But it doesn’t change the last 10 years and how horribly they treated me to the point that I didn’t even want to be on this earth anymore.

My husband watched me go through a lot with his whole situation. He’s very protective of me. He almost picked up and moved us and our two children across the country because he couldn’t stand to see me go through hell at one more family event that they decided to grace us with their presence at. But I was always the one that insisted on staying because I love my family.

Over the years, anytime they decided to show up at an event and something went wrong, they’d somehow blame me even if I had nothing to do with the situation and there would be all this drama over me just literally existing in the same room as them. And if I got upset, they would say that I played the victim card. It was just extremely toxic.

Now for present day.

For Easter this year, my cousin was gonna bring her kids for the weekend who are the same age as my kids over to our house since they have never seen our new home and our girls are very close . My mom works in the healthcare field and had told me she will not be hosting Easter this year so we needed to figure something out.

I had sent out the same mass text to my dad and siblings( the ones whom I talk to obviously) and I let them know that they were more than welcome to come to my home for Easter if they had nothing going on.

To be clear, my parents and the rest of my siblings (there are 9 of us) have kept relationships with both Jerry and Maria and I have never held it against any of them. I’ve respected the fact that they want a relationship with them, and I never would hold it against any of them or treat them differently because of it. We are all adults.

Back to the text I sent

My dad responded with “who is NOT invited?” I obviously knew who he was talking about my brother Jerry, because he had now lived with my parents, and also my sister Maira.

For me, this didn’t change anything about where I stood. They were not welcome in my personal life, my home or around our children period. This was never going to change after what they had put me through and the pure hate that they have both shown me at the last 10 years. My husband and I decided this long ago, and my family is aware of this.

When I got the text, I was at work. I was shaking and thinking “is my own dad really trying to back be in a corner?” I sent a screenshot of it to my husband. He was upset for good reason and told me he was going to call my parents. I had a panic attack at work and had to leave. When I went home, my husband told me that he very respectfully told my parents that essentially, they have been horrible parents to let this go on as long as it has and to let me be treated like a doormat for as long as I have. He stated it’s very clear that they have favorite children, and they favor them and that I don’t deserve and never deserved any of this, and if they weren’t going to respect our boundaries and respect HIS WIFE that they will not be in our lives. period.

While I was so appreciative of him saying this, I couldn’t shake my anxiety attack, thinking what’s gonna come of this? How am I gonna be punished by my family because of my husband sticking up for me?

It’s extremely toxic I know, but it’s been the same song and dance my entire life things get swept under the rug and if you go against any of these narcissistic siblings, they will make it hell for you.

I didn’t hear from either of my parents for about two weeks. I decided to work up a rough draft of a text I was going to send both of my parents in a group chat explaining my boundaries. Essentially, I very calmly had told them both how much I love them and that I’ve always respected them, and I just want the same respect in return. That I would never tell them who they can and cannot have in their home and that I’ve always respected who they want in their personal life and I just really wish that they would show that same love and respect to me.

My mom responded essentially saying how sad she is that she had to tell two of her children that they weren’t welcome at a holiday. That Easter is about God and that how I was behaving is evil. She dismissed everything that I was saying. I tried to explain that she was dismissing what I was saying and not understanding. And that I genuinely don’t care if they’re feelings are hurt or not and why would I? I couldn’t believe she was even expecting me to let them in my home after everything that’s happened. I had brought up how on multiple occasions over the years, she has had events that I have purposely not been invited to because Jerry and Maria were there. The most recent one being, making Christmas cookies with my family. My husband, my kids and I have always done that with all of them. Every single year. This past year, I found out through Instagram stories, that they were all at my mom‘s making cookies and Jerry and Maria were there. My youngest brother had called my mom out on it and my mom was upset with him. When I had told my mom this, she denied it.

I haven’t heard anything from my father. He never responded to any of the text. I work at a local restaurant and he was in with a group of coworkers and they sat in my section and I don’t think it was on purpose. I had to serve my dad. He wouldn’t even look at me.

Since all of this has happened, I found out that my mom is telling all of our family members, grandparents, aunts siblings, all these horrible things about me and how I’m evil for not inviting Jerry and Maria to my house and telling everyone that they should not come to my house for Easter. The only people who are showing up now are two of my younger siblings and my grandparents. Everyone else isn’t coming anymore.

My mom is doing all this behind my back well at the same time texting me that she “misses me and the kids.” She has no idea that I know that she’s saying all of these things and I just don’t know how to move forward.

I am genuinely so happy with my husband and kids and I feel so content with my personal life and almost like a weight is lifted off my shoulders, but I can’t help to think about this on and off and wonder what else I could have done.

The family I came from has always been my whole life and I put so much energy into fostering relationships with all of them that I don’t even have that many friends.

My other siblings won’t even talk to me.

AITA?