28M, youngest of 4 siblings.

Grew up in a mildly toxic background where parents divorced, a lot of interpersonal drama between my mother and relatives/partners (we were thrown out by my mother's former partner in the middle of the night several times and technically homeless for short periods), mother having regular outbursts about hating her life and taking it out on me or whoever was around. Relationship with two of my siblings have been contentious growing up. My older sister especially has an attitude problem.

At 18 sought to live with my dad as I was tired of my mother breaking down her relationships and causing homelessness. I was studying at college and couldn't get peace at home as my mother had emotional outbursts at her partner because she didn't get her way.

Managed to move and had a few years getting to know my dad. Was more stable and was able to focus on securing a job and saving money. Relationship with dad was ok, was emotionally dismissive when I was down but I told myself to suck it up.

End of 2020 my dad sold his house to my sister and her family to live with his girlfriend. I was allowed to stay and continue paying board. I forgotten about my poor relationship with my sister and sadly was sorely reminded. I did what I could for her as she was a mother to a daughter. I was happy to share chores, unfortunately it was never to her standard. Even at 30 her attitude never improved and could not take responsibility for her wrongdoing. She several times tried unlocking and opening bathroom door from outside as I was on the toilet. I tell her I am on toliet and proceeds to get stroppy and mopey over telling her not to open the door despite being in a three toilet home. I try setting up boundaries and get treated like I am rude for just briefly saying "Toilet" before she tried to come in.

All the little things on her behaviour accelerated my desire to move out and I am now living alone. I avoid my family as to be honest I experienced nothing but misery with them. Half of it was self-affliction on their parts.

I am on low contact rather than no contact and have done some favours "like family should" ranging from simple shopping errands, ordering Amazon deliveries on my sister's behalf, delivery drop offs/pick ups to storing my sister's stuff in my garage for 7 months to accommodate their home renovations without issue. However worry about being asked a favour from my sister that I am not at all comfortable with like babysitting that may result in being shamed into doing out of obligation. (Has not happened yet but is on my mind rent free).

I am hesitant about finding a partner myself as to be honest I feel damaged and at a point where I perhaps cannot handle even a healthy relationship. I struggle to handle stress and conflict well and feel immense guilt at times not meeting expectations from family.

My quiet life alone helps me function, I seem to a lot of people I have it together. People would say my life is easy which perhaps it is because it is quiet. But to me it's essential to just be able to function.