So this is a long one but I’d really love an outsider’s perspective.

I (F) used to work with a guy—let’s call him Ted. He was the account manager for a client I was working on. When he joined the company, he approached me, wanting to be friends since he was new. We hit it off. We talked not just about work but also personal stuff, and I genuinely thought we had become close friends.

Now, I’m someone who gets emotionally invested when I form a genuine connection. And Ted felt special. For the first time, I felt like I could be completely myself around a guy—I’m really shy and usually find that difficult.

Our friendship was full of sarcasm, banter, and fun conversations. Slowly, I started catching feelings. But I didn’t act on them immediately because I’ve been rejected before and didn’t want to rush.

Over time, I noticed little things that made me question the friendship. For example, once while leaving the office in the rain, I struggled to remove my windcheater, and Ted didn’t even acknowledge me. His friend, who barely knew me, helped instead. Another time, people were bumping into me during a chaotic situation, and Ted didn’t try to protect me or even check in.

On his birthday, I went above and beyond. When it came to mine? He forgot. Texted late at night. I still stayed a good friend—helping him out, even offering to be a wingwoman when he liked someone else. I kept hoping he’d show some level of care or appreciation, but I started to realize he just didn’t treat me the same way.

After a year of this, my best friend suggested that maybe he just didn’t know how to express his feelings, so I told him I liked him. His response? “I’m flattered.” Nothing more. Things got awkward, but we tried to stay normal since we worked together.

We shared a cab that evening (we live nearby), and he didn’t even ask if I was okay—even though I was clearly upset. I went home and cried, even though I knew he didn’t feel the same. I just felt stupid for trying again.

A week later, I asked him directly if he had a response. He gave me a mix of maybe, yes, no—all excuses really, and said he didn’t want me to wait for him. I told him I’d be okay.

Then another colleague talked to me about it and told me that Ted is bi but leans more toward men. I later saw his Instagram and realized he followed mostly gay men. Eventually, he came out to the whole company and we all supported him.

I was genuinely happy for him and grateful for the closure. After that, I decided to distance myself emotionally from people at work. Ted and I slowly drifted apart.

He later had an accident, and even then, when I visited to check in, I didn’t feel appreciated. I don’t know why, but at one point, I wanted to kiss him—thankfully, I stopped myself and reminded myself that it was time to let go.

He once made plans to meet up. I agreed, thinking we could at least keep the friendship. But on the day of, I called to confirm and he said he forgot and was on vacation. I was literally ready to leave when I found out. That was my final straw.

Since then, I’ve kept my distance. No expectations. Just peace.

So AITA for not staying in touch with someone who clearly never really valued me the way I valued him?