Context me f (17) graduating next year, had a fight with my mother about me and my father's relationship... Recently my dad tried to plan a coffee date between me him and my siblings and I told him I didn't like coffee resulting in him getting angry, I know it might not have been good to shut him down but after 13+ years of trying to build a relationship with him I recently gave up on trying seeing that it's one sided, for context my father is an alcoholic and has major health issues because of it

COVID time my father who didn't want to take the vaccine shots for work decided he wanted to quit his job due to it harming his mental health... He made almost 2mil a year in our currency which gave us a very comfortable life style.. after leaving he focused on his hobby and it brought in money, I will always resent him for leaving his job because when he did my mother had to get two extra jobs to cover basic costs while my father does almost nothing besides drinking and play games through out the day

Around 2022 his heath got worse and he was not constantly in bed, not eating or drinking anything but alcohol so bad he'd be asleep multiple days this would continue for almost a full year before my mom made him go to the doctor, the doctor had told him due to the alcohol his liver was swollen 200% bigger then it's supposed to be and if he didn't change habits fast he could die in 2-4 months, and me as a kid who had recently moved schools twice in the past two years made my mental health crash, luckily I had new friends to support me, through this...

Eventually my dad got better but as he got better the more my parents started to argue, little background me and my dad never had a relationship due to him never being home when I was little and he was always drinking or at work, due to there never being a bond and my dad telling me my whole life "we use to be so close" I thought I was the one in the wrong, until my mom one day told me when I was a baby my dad would leave me alone at hole to go drink at bars while my mom was working, until my mom found out so then my aunt started to look after me...

Jump back to more present times As a family we had Friday family night which my dad usually had 100 excuse like he wasn't feeling well or he was tired, or he didn't feel like it, so it would end up being my mom and siblings playing and having fun, my dad's only way of trying to spend time with us was with cooking. He loves to cook but it often ended in fight if we tried cooking with him because he treated us like sue chefs instead just having fun, he never wanted to do what we wanted to do so much so we have up on asking, if we wanted to watch a movie with him and he got bored he'd get up and leave not coming back making it pointless to ask, as I got older I got into more fights with him and my mom making me feel trapped and having no one to go to

flash to more recent events, I feel bad when I say I love you to him, or when he says it and I don't say it back. because I know I don't mean it because I dont feel a connection anymore plus I don't try and spend time with my father anymore i had given up around last year deciding that he might be my blood and has the title of father but he will never be my dad as he was never there for me when I needed him,

so that's what my argument with my mom was that I was giving up too easily and I'm being difficult and it'll never work out because of me, but I've tried for my whole life 15 years I've tried to fix our relationship so why is it suddenly my fault when I give up and he's giving it a shot, I never needed my father and I don't need him now, I understand he wants to try but I don't trust his tries as they'll never end up happening anyway. I may be pessimistic but like I said, I know my father I know how he is, he cares more about the bottle then his children, it's something I've learned to accept. Through out my child hood alot made me not want to try anymore due to him being emotionally abusive calling me fat as a young kid saying I'd die at 12. These as small examples... I like to say people can change but only the people that want to. The day he puts down the bottle is the day I'll say fuck it and try again to build something.

So am I the asshole for giving up?