Husband and I’s ages are both almost out of the calendar. I’m not a native and he is. We live in his state and very close to his family who I have had multiple histories of (let’s just label them as) misunderstandings and confrontations. He’s very close to his mom and his dad is in and out of jail due to drugs. I’m mentioning this because this has highly influenced how he was raised and what their family situation is. His dad’s side of the family has babied him and does almost everything for him. I feel like I’ve basically married a little boy who wants a submissive provider and caretaker. Anyway, we’ve had lengths of time since we got married where we chose to keep distance with his family. (Or now I realized, he was likely forced to to keep our relationship)

His mom is often very controlling from the start, his dad is usually not there (mentally and emotionally), his brother and his bro’s baby momma are either drunk and obnoxious, doing something illegal, war freaks, bad parents or okay to deal with. I’d say most of the time the source of the problem bounces back from his mom and this couple.

Although I promised myself not to hang out with them anymore, I find myself trying to rebuild my relationships with them. Especially now that I feel I am more capable of speaking out if I need to. His mom, dad and brother (and bro’s baby momma) always guilts trip my husband into spending time with them especially during holidays. Although lately I have been more tolerant with that, this time, I wanted to do something that only involved me, him and his grandma (who we currently temporarily live with). After many follow ups to him if we are going to do this activity or not, he texts his mom who instantly called him, and he asked them if they would do this said activity with us. I heard the conversation, and since he already asked it, I didn’t mind, so I just let him continue. I did, however, had an instant vocal reaction and the only thing that came out from my mouth was “they prolly wouldn’t want to do it”. His mom said he wouldn’t mind it and she asked the baby momma (who she is really close to) if they’d want to do it. I’ll remind you, she’s the most obnoxious one even when she’s not drunk. I heard her say “who would want to do that? That sounds stupid!”. This language and way of talking is what she is and is normal for her. Even his mom, dad, even brother, and him do not like her because of this and her talking shit to them in front of their faces and other people, but nobody stops her or calls her out.

I got hurt by her statement, especially by the fact that the next thing I hear is my husband saying “well what do you guys want to do?”. Basically telling me that he was ready to not do what I wanted in the first place and just willing to do what his family wanted. He has done this million times btw, I couldn’t count. He even invited his brother, the baby momma and kids one year for our anniversary trip which I saved up for and stayed in our hotel room….

I expressed how upset I was by it to my husband. He said “well I misunderstood, I thought you wanted to do this with them”. I kept telling him that although I didn’t mind them joining that I just really wanted to do this activity. And now I am upset with that statement and do not want to hang out with them anymore. I also told him that I hoped he had called her out for saying that or calls her out when she says something hurtful. He said “well it wasn’t directed to you”. Which I get, but this girl and this family have so many times made racist remarks towards me in front of him and because he doesn’t like confrontation, he doesn’t do anything and just stays quiet. For him, family is family no matter what. I think that if a family member misbehaves that they should be called out or at least avoided, not tolerated.

I suggested we just go out to eat with his grandma, he frowned at this idea and said “well I already told my mom we’re spending time with them”. I told him that if we go there, I won’t be enjoying because I already know how it’s going to be and I don’t want to snap and be the one to call out misbehaving family members. I have before, and it has caused so many problems and my husband never backs me up.

We end up eating out, and he ignored his family calling. I thought, at least he chose to be with me. But no, when we got home, he went and played video games with his bestfriend and asked me to do something with his other gaming monitor. When i turned it on, his mom’s messages from that day greeted me on the screen.

“Holidays is for family. You should be spending it with family” and other things like smh, you said this, you said that. We already bought this when you texted and that. Mind you, nobody asked us or texted us before this day. They only thought about doing anything because my husband texted on THAT same day.

I told my husband that I read it and why he didn’t say something. We argued and he kept defending his family. Instead of recognizing how toxic they can be, he kept defending them and saying I’m being dramatic. Then, I stopped talking. We went very quiet for long seconds. I was just tired. We slept and I didn’t want to be touched. He’s a very touchy person and I’m not, especially when you don’t even try to see my side of things. Mind you, this is just the most recent event. There had been many, more awful things done to me in the past which my husband just sits and stays quiet or just literally cries on the side.

I think he’s a coward and it really disourages me how he hasn’t grown in 6 years… we’ve not had kids and he wants one. I had went through painful procedures to try and make it happen but now I’m realizing again that I shouldn’t have a child with this guy. Idk… I feel very alone.