I (20f) live with my parents (in my home country it very common to not move out till your mid twenties). Since I don’t have a lot to do at my Uni, am still looking for a job in my field, am working on commissions at home and my older sibling has already moved out, I spend a lot of time at home alone with my parents. Since we spend this much time together, fights become more and more frequent and they evolved from valid concerns like doubts about my depression to now very absurd ones about tomato plants.

This happened last night and I am still baffled at how big a fight this kindled. I am currently working on a commission for a painting and since I like to work late into the night I get up later than my parents 1-2 days in the week and because that was the case yesterday I hadn’t seen my mother till noon, which she doesn’t like since she then has no conception of how productive I am. First thing she does when she gets in, before even saying hello, is scolding me for not watering a tomato plant.

Now I know this sounds like a classic case of weaponized incompetence but I assure you I don‘t dodge any other chores: I make dinner multiple times a week, I bake and cook anything they want but surprise them with new recipes weekly, I buy groceries and I take our dog for long walks daily. Of course I shouldn’t be praised for simply contributing to our household but I tell you this to say: I’m not incompetent. What I am, though, is a serial plant killer. No plant has ever survived in my room, except a cactus which my mother later told me was fake. I watered that one though. I have ADHD and I don’t know how plants work - I water them triple a day or not at all for a week and when I move out the only plants in my home shall be plastic. My parents have bought many many varieties of plants and no two of them need the same amount of water. I’ve never been asked to water plants in 20 years and if they wanted me to do it, that’s fine but I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to do it suddenly on a random day without ever talking to me about it. I‘m supposed to know instinctively that I should water the tomato plant. Not any other plants, just that one.

They had forgotten to water it, and were mad when I didn’t know that they had forgotten to water it. I didn’t even know we had a tomato plant now, I didn’t cross paths with it, I‘m not even on a first name basis with it. I don’t know what a tomato plant looks like when it doesn’t have tomatoes yet and I don’t know how much water it needs. My parents were told this at the store but that information has not been transferred over to me.

Anyways, later that day I got yelled at, so I yelled back, which was not well received. My father said when I see a dead plant I should water it, which sounds reasonable but I got up so much later than them that morning that it could easily already be a little dry after they had watered it in the morning. I killed plants by giving them too much water and I don’t think I should be the decider of when a plant needs more water. I didn’t wander the halls so didn’t even see that it looked dead - I have a tendency to not notice plants.

I was also told that tomatoes can’t even be watered where they stand and have to be carried over to the sink so they don’t leak. How should I know that when I didn’t even know we had that plant? Why are tomatoes such a diva about being watered? Other plants aren’t pussies about staying where they are when watered.

So my father said it is part of my duties because all chores should be shared, so I asked if cooking or buying groceries is part of his chores since he hasn’t done that for us in several years. That was also not well received.

Now I’m confused because my mother said it was a stupid discussion to have but she is the one that started it? The advice of pretty much everyone I know is to move out since there have been so many fights over my weight (I gained a little weight for stress eating because tbh they cause most of my stress), my mental health, my future and now even a single plant. I still don’t really see how I’m an asshole for doing everything at home but watering a stupid tomato but they have me questioning everything since they are so mad about this one issue. Is it really that serious or do we just spend too much time together?

AITA for not watering a plant?

Also take a shot every time I said plant or water