Sorry this is a long one but I want to fully explain my side as my friend isn’t bothered to hear the whole story and has just decided I’m being difficult.

I (f24) have fallen out with one friend M (f24) over the weekend. Me, M and another friend B (f26) went clubbing on Saturday and both me and B have fallen out with M because of things that happened that night.

M didn’t tell us that her roommate D was out with a group of people that M doesn’t like until after we decided to go. Me and B were worried that there would be drama because this has happened before but M promised it was a coincidence and she didn’t know D was going to be there. D and I spoke yesterday and she told me that M did know she was going to be there. D told me she would have invited me and B but didn’t want us all to exclude M, knowing she would have been annoyed by this. I’m a bit upset we weren’t invited just to keep M calm but I understand she just wanted to have a stress-free night out for once since she has to deal with M’s drama all the time.  

While we were getting ready to go out, M was ranting about the people D was going to be with and me and B again expressed several times that we didn’t want to go if there would be any drama. B has an extremely stressful job and just needs a fun night out, and I don’t get to see B much so was willing to go to spend time with her even though I new there would end up being drama.

On the bus in the way to the club we decided to share our location with each other in case anything happened. As we were doing this M went on a rant about how even though her and D weren’t going to be out together that she still wanted to make sure D got home ok. Obviously this is fine and I am a big supporter of girls looking out for each other, especially on a night out. M went on to say that she always made sure her friends were ok, even if they were mad at each other and gave examples of when she has done this- such as she was mad at someone last week but she still messaged to check they got home. M also said that if she disappears at any point during the night that we didn’t need to worry and she was just checking on D.

Anyway, throughout the night M kept wandering away to the bathroom or to the corners of the room to get better signal on her phone. The first couple of times me and B went with her but we were starting to get annoyed by it. At one point B told her “I came to dance; not watch you stand in the corner on your phone”. M decided at that point to go by herself whenever she did this. This still stressed us out though because we’d turn around and she wouldn’t be there. Me and B decided to ignore it and just enjoy our night. We bumped into D’s group a couple of times (conveniently when we went were M wanted to go ) and M made things awkward by trying to drag her towards us and glaring at the people she doesn’t like etc.  

Near the end of the night we all went to the toilets. D was in there and M pressured her into taking pictures with her. D clearly didn’t want to so me and B tried to take her to the bar for one last drink before we left. M refused to go with us but D told us to go get our drinks and told us where to meet them. Because it was an hour till closing time, the bar was busy and it took us 20 minutes to get the drinks. When we finally got them we couldn’t find D or M anywhere. I called M about 5 times but she never answered, I’m pretty sure she hung up a couple of times. When we were starting to panic, B got a message from D saying that M had a panic attack and they were on the bus home.

Apparently M decided we had abandoned her and got really upset so D had to leave her friends and went home with M. I then messaged M and told her that she knew where we were and we hadn’t abandoned her. I also mentioned how she kept disappearing throughout the night and it was causing us stress. M read my messages but didn’t reply to them. When me and B were on the bus home, I checked M’s location but she wasn’t at her house, even though it should have been by then. I messaged her, asking if she was almost home and told her me and B were on the bus. She just replied “I am and I don’t care” then turned her location of for both me and B.

What about that whole rant earlier about making sure friends were safe? I clearly don’t count as  a good friend in her eyes.

Around lunchtime on Sunday M sent us both a really snappy message on the group chat asking when we were going to apologise for leaving her. B called M and tried to explain again that it was actually the other way around but M started getting really mean to us both so we hung up on her and haven’t spoken since. M has been messaging all our mutual friends and most of them are ‘not picking sides’ (even though they’ve said to us that knowing M, they know not to take her version of events seriously) but have told me and B that M is slagging us off to everyone she knows.

Here's where I might be the AH. It’s my friend A’s 25^th birthday this weekend and we’re going out for dinner. I called him and told him that I don’t want to put him in the middle, but if M is there then I will not be. The thing is though, M is ridiculously petty when she’s mad at people. I know that if I go to the dinner she will spend the night making snide remarks at me, put me down, and maybe even just start drama and ruin A’s birthday. I offered to take him out for dinner just the two of us but he say’s I’m being childish by not going and I should just ‘suck up’ for him and not ruin his birthday.

AITA for not going to this dinner?

Also, what are your thoughts on the fight with M? Several people have told me that I just need to let it go and ‘make peace’ but this happens all the time and I’m tired of having to deal with M. It’s always me who has to ‘deal’ with her behaviour, but when I stand up for myself this happens.