Hi.

Context: I (31F) was married to my ex (33M) who we will call “Adam” for 6 years and now we have been divorced for 4 years. Adam and I met when I was a freshmen in college. We hit it off instantly, we started dating that same year. Got engaged my last year in college and then got married the year after.

The first few months of our relationship was dare I say “perfect”. That’s because Adam didn’t tell me that he had 1 year old twin boys with his ex. Apparently they had the kids when she was 18 and he was 19. I was upset that he didn’t tell me. Would that have changed my mind about dating him? Yes. I was 18 in college, I didn’t want to take on the responsibility of taking care of two boys, also I DID NOT want any baby mama drama. I loved Adam so I convinced myself that I would to love his boys. So I did, and man oh man do I love those boys.

Adam’s ex had a serious drug addiction. She would lash out a lot, cause trouble, she even stole from us (I had moved in with Adam) a lot when she would come visit the boys. The boys hated staying with their mom but they loved it when she would come visit. Adam and I made a good home for the boys, and I love them because they’re my boys. Their mom is still in the picture but she would just disappear for months on end.

Now what let to my divorce, is when Adam had the audacity to cheat on a pregnant Latina woman, and then get another woman pregnant! When I told Adam I was pregnant he was excited, for us to become a family of 5. During my pregnancy Adam would go on a lot of “business trips”. I wasn’t an idiot I knew he was cheating on me, I confronted him and I felt helpless the second he said “if you leave me I will not care for this family”. Adam was making a little more money than me, and I was pregnant on an unpaid maternity leave and raising twin boys. Adam made me feel weak, unloved, undervalued, disgusted (the snarky comments he would make about my body), under appreciated, and exhausted AF! I did everything myself, while he was out there hoing around. I stayed faithful, until I met a “friend” who will call “Stephanie”. We had known each other since middle school, actually we dated in high school for a year or so. Towards the end of my pregnancy is where I met her, she was helping around the house a lot with the boys which is what I needed when Adam was gone. Stephanie made me feel great about myself, and she made feel strong; we never did anything while I was still married to Adam I did like a her a lot though.

The day my son was born, Adam was out of town. My water broke and luckily Stephanie was around. She did everything from packing the bag, to getting the boys in the car and driving us safely to the hospital. Oh and yes Adam did miss the birth of our boy.

He actually came home a week later just to tell me that he got someone else pregnant! Even then he didn’t seem to care about the fact that his son was born like a week ago, and he kept being mean to the twins. He was just so angry like he hated me for being his wife, having his baby and loving the twins. He was just so mad, and I tried to ignore him but we got into an argument and I told him that I wasn’t going to be arguing with him infront of the kids. He did not like that so he grabbed one of the twins so hard he started to cry, I shoved him off cause there’s not way in hell that anyone is laying a finger on my boys I don’t give a shit that you’re my husband or fucking royalty DO NOT TOUCH MY KIDS. The other twin has a severe peanut allergy and one time I was out and I had to pick my son up from the hospital because he had a peanut allergy under Adam’s watch. That was the last draw, so I packed everything up, took the boys, Stephanie came to my rescue and picked us up. (This all happened like 3 months after my youngest was born). I filed for divorce and Adam just signed it. He didn’t give a shit about his family he cared about the girl he knocked up. The divorce was difficult because of primary custody of the kids which was granted to me. Adam could visit the kids but he never did. He never once called.

Stephanie and I started dating about a year and a half ago and we are very happy. I wanted to stand on my own two feet first before jumping into a new relationship. And the kids are happy too. They love her cause she actually gives them the time of day. Recently Adam has been begging to see the kids but they don’t want to see him. Adam’s family and my very judgemental mother think I’m influencing the boys, but they’re 14 and they can think for themselves and feel the way they want to feel about their father.

Since then I have been refusing to let Adam see the kids, even my youngest (who doesn’t even know Adam) He didn’t care to see them or call when he could so why should he, now that the girl he got pregnant left him?