Hello, everyone. I’m a 20-year-old law student currently in a long-distance relationship with John, 21, who lives in the UK. I plan to move there this August to complete my studies, and we’ve discussed taking our relationship to the next level. He even proposed that I move in with him, but I told him we’d figure it out once I arrived.

When we first started talking, John mentioned his hobbies—gaming and going to the gym. I didn’t think much of it at the time; everyone has hobbies. However, things changed when we began video calling. During every call, he plays video games all while watching a movie/video, barely engaging with me. I didn't know how to approach that so to match his energy, I started doing schoolwork during our calls, especially as my assignments piled up. Now, our video chats consist of me working while he’s gaming. It feels like we’re together but not connected.

This dynamic bothers me because video calls could be our chance to bond, especially since we don’t chat much during the day due to the five-hour time difference; he works, and I go to school. Recently, he spent 25 hours on a new game—a staggering amount of time behind a screen. I don't mind gaming, but is this healthy?

Over time, I’ve started emotionally and mentally checking out of this relationship. His sweet texts calling me “beautiful” or “wifey” used to make me happy, but now they feel hollow. Our conversations have grown dry; even emojis can’t mask how disconnected I feel. I started resenting him hard. I would stay up all night just to talk to him over the phone, and he played video games during our calls.

Once I told him that if you are in a relationship, you have to compromise to be with the person. He responded by saying people should love you as you are—perhaps implying he expects me to accept his gaming habits without question. This has left me questioning whether I want to continue dating him or plan for a future together.

This is my first serious relationship, and navigating these feelings is overwhelming. I don’t know how to be a girlfriend, even less the girlfriend of someone so absorbed in gaming. During our last call, John noticed my distant behavior and kept asking if I was okay. While I appreciate his concern, I’m unsure how to communicate my frustrations without causing conflict. Like imagine talking to someone and there is almost no eye contact. If he only knew how he makes me happy by just looking at me. it feels like I am the only girl

As my submission deadlines approach this week, I’m considering finding new ways to occupy myself during our calls since he’ll likely keep gaming. But deep down, I wonder: why should I have to ask him to make time for me? Shouldn’t he want that on his own?