Ok this is a super long one, but bare with me ‘cause I really do want to know and grow from it if I’ve messed up massively. F44 here, so I was joking around with my very close and good friend M31. (We do occasionally hook up which I didn’t know if I needed to add that but it might make things make more sense, with how close we are, and why I think it hit me the way it did) I was washing up some plates and he said something about his kids usually washing up so I called him “Daddy” thinking it was a stupid joke. We kinda try and outdo each other with bad taste humour so I thought it was hilarious. He however went kinda serious and said, “No, just no, only one person calls me that.” I was then super confused, one.. by the sudden seriousness, and two.. as he has 3 kids, but only one from a previous marriage so thinking that might be who calls him Daddy, I said that child’s name. All while trying to work out how things went from joking to serious so quick. He was like “No, it’s... calls me that” and said his partner’s name. I’m like super, open-minded but for some reason that revelation shook me, I think it was mostly just I didn’t expect it from him and she hashtags everything with ‘feminist’ and he’s told me they’ve had proper fights regarding male influencers like Tate so I think I just wasn’t expecting to hear that... And totally, each to their own but when it was first said I was visibly shook and it was as we were about to part ways so I messaged him about it. He said ok to the messages, even hearted one, said thanks for explaining but said he didn’t want to discuss it so I stopped. Everything seemed normal between us until the afternoon 3 days later he texted angry about it all, and I’m so confused. I really thought I was just explaining my feelings to him so he understood my initial reaction. I apologised for upsetting him and he just got more angry so I ended up apologising for what I’d said even though I really don’t feel I did anything wrong. He continued to just be so angry at me for it despite me trying everything I could to calm him. He has now blocked me on socials, it’s a pain in the butt as we are part of the same friend/work group, but really just want to know AITA? Will paste in the text thread.. It’s long as get really confused, and try to explain myself, even though he tells me things are ‘clear’ and ‘obvious’.

Me: Sorry, went to respond to our conversation before ‘cause it’s stuck in my head and I feel like need to explain myself... Him: Ok Me: think it’s more not just being called Daddy, or someone even wanting to call someone else that, but in this case it’s you responding to being called Daddy in a sexual situation that icks me. Wasn’t really ready for that, and just with my own background, both professionally and personally, and it was so far from my image of you, that I think it just did trigger something in me, that I wasn’t in any way ready for, or even aware would be triggered. Him: Ok. Me: Mind blowing as well that someone in one breath can have a thing against against people listening to Andrew Tate and Joe Rogan to the point of proper arguing about it, but then be ok with sucking “Daddy’s” cock. Not much blows my mind but that is proper nuts Him: Wow, a lot of judgement coming from this conversation. Me: It’s not judgement. There’s a billion words you can use but Daddy and Mummy are core relationships with a really solid definition. For me there is no ok way of moving those words into a sexual space... and I am no prude. Just don’t get why a guy would want to be seen as the parent of the person he’s fucking. ...and don’t see why chick would want to be fucking her parents...hence why I thought it was hilarious to joke about...... and in no way ever thought you’d say what you did. Was not ever in my head Him: I understand you have your thoughts and feelings on this topic but it’s not a topic I want to discuss any further. Ok? Me: ? That you don’t want to discuss it? It’s proper fucked my brain, like I think it’s actually really made me angry, i don’t even know what it is I’m feeling... fucking reality flip Him: So let me get this straight, because I don’t want to discuss that topic with you, you are now angry? Me: No not because you don’t want to discuss it... as soon as you said it, it just hit my emotions, and I’m not really sure what I felt, but think it’s hurt and angry. Which you aren’t responsible for, it’s my emotion. But yeah...I’m feeling it Him: Ok, thanks for explaining that to me

Then for 3 days, totally normal interactions between us. Until this.. Him: So read through the messages you sent, I’m really not sure what else to write anymore. I guess I do have one question well maybe it’s 2 questions. Me: Yeah Him: (some screenshots of above] Why was those messages ok for you to send and the ones just prior to it? Me: Why was it ok for me to send them? I don’t understand why it wouldn’t be ok Him: So those messages and the messages just prior to them you feel is perfectly OK to send? Me: I thought so. I stopped when you asked me to Him: 0k, obviously I feel very differently when some speaks pretty poorly about my partner and something that’s personal and has nothing to do with anyone else then. Good to know. Me: I was telling you how felt about it, it honestly shocked me, still does, like rereading that just made me feel so much all over again. I’m not a person who gets triggered usually I think shits funny, and that’s what I was doing in making the original joke. Thought it was so funny cause it was so wrong. Then you said what you did. It’s like a white hot pain in my chest. The whole concept is just so not ok with me. I find it incredibly upsetting/unsettling... It’s not something I can in anyway get my head around ever being ok with I’m aware it’s a thing but I never ever thought you would go there. Can’t help feeling that way, but I can explain to you that I do and a fair bit of why I do. My own reaction isn’t something I’ve just been ok with either, I don’t want any thing or any one to have the ability to make me feel this way. I’ve been analysing it from every angle, reading a fuck tonne, and trying to understand why it hurt and move forward with my head in a better space with it. But it isn’t as easy as I’d like it to be and had probably brought up more for me to deal with. I Asked you questions cause I really don’t understand how you are ok with it, but you just said you didn’t want to talk about it. Him: And you still don’t see what it is you did, do you? Me: I don’t, no Him: The fact that I clearly outlined it and you still don’t even think you have done anything wrong and still justified your actions to me says everything I need to know. Me: What do you need to know? I’m so confused. Maybe I’m not getting it because I know that when wrote it it wasn’t with meanness or malice it was attempting to understand something. It was voicing my confusion and what I was feeling Him: So you can say hurtful things about someone but because of how you feel about its ok? Really? Me: I don’t get how it’s hurtful to talk about it, if you are ok with doing it. I find it hurtful.. You don’t... That’s my whole issue.
Actually I don’t know if hurtful is the right word... I’m confused by it Him: And yet you still haven’t acknowledged what you said and how you said it or how I obviously felt about. You know what forget it. Just forget it. This whole conversation has achieved nothing. Me: You keep saying obviously but I really still don’t understand why you’re pissed at me. But you can be. Whatever. I know how feel about you and know I don’t want to hurt you so I’ll shut up Him: Then maybe you should think about it then. Me: I have thought about it until my head and heart turned inside out so then ive actually been trying not to think about it Him: Yep no worries. Me: And this is why I said wanted time to actually talk with you. ‘Cause I think you just got angry with me and I’m really still not getting what I’ve done.

Then it just goes on with me trying to understand and him keeping on telling me it’s clear, he personally attacks me a few times and I justify that as being ok ‘cause he’s angry. I saw him a day or so later in the workplace and he was super angry and not talking to any one so I thought the responsible thing to do was to go talk to him. He yelled at me until I apologised just to try and calm him down. Anyway, none of it helped and now he’s blocked me. Don’t know if i did mess up or he is fucking with my head? AITA? P.S. don’t need a lesson on big/little role play, I get it’s a thing and why, just wasn’t expecting it.