(Sorry in advance for any rambling. I’m not sure how to word this exactly lol)

My husband (29M) and I (23F) have a 5 month old daughter. She’s a super good baby and we are beyond happy. My husband’s friend (32M) lives about an hour away and has a birthday coming up and wants a “boys only” party.

I talked with my husband and we agreed together that leaving the baby with me all evening while he socializes and has fun could lead to some resentment. We decided that anything over 3 hours would be excessive. However, because this friend lives about an hour away, it wouldn’t really be possible to have a “boys only” party in 3 hours. So, my husband offered that we all go out to eat together (me, my husband, our baby, birthday man, other friend (25M), his wife (24F), and their son (7mosM)) and then us girls/babies could go to the mall while the guys do something together for 1-2 hours. That way, I wouldn’t be stuck with baby care at home by myself and feel like he “owed me” a night out.

My husband’s friends immediately turned down this idea and said they wanted to go to VR (which my husband agrees is very expensive for what it is) and have no girls.

My husband informed them that he can’t do that because he doesn’t want baby care to be transactional between us.

One of his friends (25M) told my husband that he “needed to gain some independence” and the other (32M) said “so we can’t hang out solo until the baby is older?” (Context: 25M has a son and they have childcare for him anytime they want whereas we do not have this luxury. 32M is engaged and has no children.)

My husband is upset by what they said, especially 25M. What 32M said is incorrect. They can hang out without us, just not for an entire evening as my husband prioritizes his family over them for obvious reasons lol

So, are we the assholes for setting boundaries?

TLDR; Husband’s friends angry that husband won’t leave wife and daughter for an entire evening to play VR and have a “boys night” an hour away but husband WOULD have a shorter “boys night” if friends would be flexible.