I (19F) have been friends with this particular friend (19F) since we were maybe 10 or 11? she recently confided in me that she wanted to lose her virginity and she felt i was the only person shed trust to do it with. she's said this once before when we were 16 but didnt end up doing it cus she was drunk and i forced her to come back to me when she was sober. however this time, after some hemming and hawing she said she felt it would be too awkward and i obliged.

however, a few weeks later, she tells me that she ended up hooking up with some guy and theyre now sorta fwbs. (she said before this she think she might be a lesbian, but afterwards said shes probably bi) for some reason this makes me irrationally jealous. after i frankly pushed a bit too hard for a reason why him and not me, the friendship is slightly broken, but is quickly salvaged.

a few days later, she asks me if i wanted to go sing karaoke with her. i had nothing better to do then and thought it would help resolidify the friendship, so i agree. when we get there, she decided that we should get alcohol. i sorta push back against this because i have an event early the next day, but she tells me she'll cover most of it so i oblige. about half a bottle of soju in, we briefly talk about the fwb situation but eventually move on.

it is here that i should say ive only ever drank 1 bottle of soju at a time maximum, and that was at home. we between us ended up downing almost 5 bottles, split roughly equally, both trying to prove to each other that we arent lightweights. however, at some point, we start kissing. i dont remember how, and i think i might have started it, but this part is still very fuzzy to me. then it moves on to me grabbing her chest and her grabbing my crotch (im a pre everything mtf). she also gave me a hickey.

eventually she suggested going to my house to have sex, and even suggested going to a hotel at some point. we eventually decide to go to my place, we call a cab and she is vomiting the whole time shes in the cab. in hindsight, the first warning sign is when we reach my place, she asked "where are we" and "i want to go home", but the cab driver is super done with us so we have to get out. my dad finds us and agrees that she should stay the night so she doesnt have to go home alone. she throws up a bit more, while i run around the house trying to get stuff to make her feel better and trying to not make my dad think im drunk because hes told me before to never get drunk.

eventually, maybe 1.5hrs after we reach my place, i think she asks me to take off my shirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. throughout it she also says several times that we should do it again, and i agree.

eventually, she calls her dad, and insists that she wants to go home, and being much more sober by then, i agree. before she gets into the cab, she kisses me one more time. she texts me once she gets home, and everything seems fine.

the next day, i open my phone in the afternoon to see thay she sent me a texting basically saying that she cant believe i did that and that she doesnt trust me anymore. i was devastated. this happened about a month ago, and ive tried to give her some space but shes only ever proactively texted me about getting std tested and to repay her for that night. apart from that, every conversation seems to end in anger on her end. i completely understand it, but i cant help but feel i was in a very compromised position too. i cant believe that i threw away a decade long friendship just to get laid for one night. aita?