(Using fake names.)

A close friend of mine (Rachel) asked if I wanted to be part of a conversation where she was planning to confront another friend (John) about something he said to our mutual friend (Ashley). I wasn’t super eager to get involved, but because she’s such a close friend and I wanted to support her, I said yes. I also assumed her asking me meant she wanted me there as part of the conversation.

During the convo, Rachel tried to explain how John’s comment had hurt Ashley and made others in the group uncomfortable—some even wanted to cut him off. But it quickly escalated. John got defensive, Rachel got emotional, and they started arguing over unrelated tangents. Voices were raised, and nothing was getting through.

I stayed quiet at first, just observing. But after a while, I noticed that Rachel’s main points weren’t really landing with John. He seemed overwhelmed and stuck in defense mode, and important things were getting lost in all the tangents. That’s when I decided to step in. Rachel had just made a really important point, and I worried it would get buried, so I said to John:

“Does that make sense? Do you understand why she said that?”

John didn’t answer directly, so I asked a quick follow-up to check if the message had landed before Rachel jumped into another point. That’s when Rachel snapped at me and told me to let her finish. I tried to explain that I was just trying to help make the conversation more productive—but she didn’t take it well. I got frustrated, then she got frustrated that I was frustrated… and it spiraled.

Now things between us feel off. She told me I should’ve “trusted her to handle it,” and I do understand where she’s coming from. But I also feel like that trust should go both ways—she could’ve trusted that I wasn’t trying to take over or imply she couldn’t handle it. I was genuinely trying to help move things forward.

To be honest, part of why I stepped in is because talking to Rachel about emotional stuff can be really difficult. She tends to interrupt everything you say, dominate the conversation, and talk in long-winded circles and tangents to the point where it’s hard to even follow her main point—let alone get a word in myself. I felt like if I didn’t jump in on her conversation with John to help clarify that one key moment, it might’ve gotten lost in another ramble.

That said, looking back, I do think I should’ve asked her ahead of time what she actually wanted my role to be in the conversation. Maybe that would’ve helped avoid the misunderstanding altogether.

Now I’m stuck feeling like I want to clear the air with her, but I’m also hesitant to bring it up. She’s not great at these kinds of conversations, and I worry it’ll just turn into another overwhelming, unproductive mess. So I don’t know whether to push for resolution or just let it go and hope time smooths it over.

So… AITA for stepping in during a tense moment to try to clarify, even though I wasn’t the one leading the conversation?