My boyfriend’s older brother has always been rude toward his wife. He often has an abrasive emotionally abusive tone. I’ve never said anything at family functions, but I’ve always wanted to. It urks me that the in laws that are his immediate family never says calls him out on his behavior.

Recently, I heard the news that they started separating. I’m not super close to her, but I reached out with a short, supportive message telling her I hope she’s okay and that she deserves happiness and kindness. She replied saying she felt like people were calling her crazy and saying wild things about her, so I acknowledged her feelings and also said,“some people just don’t appreciate you for who you are.”

My intention with saying that is that I felt like she was doing a good job as a new mom, and she’s also a step mom to her husbands severe autistic child. I just feel that he shouldn’t talk to her with such a disgusting attitude, and appreciate her more. Plus the in laws also frequently talk shit about her too, probably not directly to her face but I always hear it. I also have some annoyance with the in laws where they talk shit about me that arent true (we share the same in laws) which is why I support her in this way.

Somehow, her husband (my boyfriend’s brother) saw my message to her and got upset & told his mom. Now my boyfriend and his family are mad at me. My boyfriend says he’s okay with me supporting her in general, but he feels that last sentence was crossing a line and could “push her over the edge” into going through with the divorce. He also said I shouldn’t be getting involved in a family matter like this and that we don’t know the full story, it might not be his brother’s behavior that caused the separation, and it could be something she did.

For the record, I didn’t say anything bad about her husband, and I didn’t tell her to leave or take sides. But they’re interpreting my last line as if it means to leave him. I was just trying to offer comfort to someone who seemed really alone, especially a man that is already known to be verbally abusive. But now my boyfriend says he doesn’t trust me in telling me anything related to his family and that I inserted myself where I shouldn’t have.

So , AITA for sending her that message?