My best friend “Jess” (28F) and I (29F) have known each other since middle school. We’ve been through a lot together — breakups, job changes, moves — the whole ride. I’ve always tried to be honest with her, even when it’s uncomfortable, because I care deeply about her. That’s why this situation hurts so much.

Jess got engaged to her boyfriend of about 8 months. I’ve met him several times, and to be honest, I’ve never liked the way he talks to her. He makes subtle jabs at her weight, rolls his eyes when she talks about her career, and once even “joked” that she should just quit her job once they’re married since “it’s not like she’s making real money.” She usually brushes it off or laughs awkwardly, but it clearly gets to her. I’ve brought it up once before, gently, and she got defensive, so I let it go.

When she asked me to be her maid of honor, I paused. I didn’t want to lie and act like I was thrilled for them. So I told her I love her, but I don’t feel comfortable standing next to her in full support of a relationship I don’t believe is healthy. I said I’d be there for her no matter what, but I couldn’t be the face of approval for something that feels wrong to me.

She took it hard. She cried, said I was being judgmental and jealous, and then said I’d “ruined” what was supposed to be a happy time. A few of our mutual friends think I went too far and should’ve just said yes, even if I didn’t mean it. But I feel like if I can’t be honest with my best friend, who can I be honest with?

So now she’s not speaking to me, and I don’t know if our friendship will recover. AITA for telling her I can’t be her maid of honor because I don’t support her relationship?