When I got together with my boyfriend 4 years ago he said he planned on fixing his teeth. He had wisdom teeth that pushed his other teeth to get crooked and now when he speaks or opens his mouth it is not a very beautiful sight. He has felt insecure about that and also I think it is a reason he does not take sufficient care of his teeth and his dental hygiene is lacking. I have to remind him to use floss and also brush his teeth when his breath smells. I think that if he was proud of his teeth, he would take better care of them.

I have not been forward about how that has affected me being attracted to him. I think he is very handsome and I have a lot of attraction for him, but kissing becomes more and more gross when his breath smells, because he does not floss and when I see his crooked teeth.

It is something that has bothered me for 4 years and now I had the guts to be blunt about it. I always thought he would eventually fix them. He has the money to fix his teeth and he has promised for years he will do it. But he has not. Once I even booked a dentist appointment and he somehow had to cancel.

I was desperate. I have asked why he does not do it and he always finds an excuse like “I am busy right now” or “it’s the weekend, I want to rest”. The day he wakes up and thinks “I should go to the dentist!” will never come. He just has to suck it up and do it. I have asked if he is afraid or thinks it will hurt and he has said that this is not the case.

So yesterday I found some crooked teeth I had made for Halloween, they look very realistic, they were made by a friend who is a dentist, so they match my teeth perfectly and she glued on the “wrong teeth”. I put them on and went to kiss my bf. He said “Eww, gross, what are those? Take them off!” And I said “you don’t want a kiss? These are clean, I just washed them!” He said no. And then all of the frustration came out of me like the floodgates had opened.

I said I love him and I find him beautiful, but the fact that he does not get his teeth fixed and has promised me that for so long realllly bothers me. How if he did not want to kiss me as a joke with those fake teeth, how does he think I feel all the time when I see his crooked teeth? I said I still think he is beautiful, but that I would ofcourse find him more attractive if he had appropriate dental hygiene and straight teeth (he’s teeth were more straight before his wisdom teeth grew out). And I said it in a very blunt and quite irritated tone. I said I had been patient and waited for so long. And heard the promises and nothing kind or patient I ever did or said helped him to take action.

I did not yell, but I was quite brutally honest.

He was visibly hurt. I think also a bit ashamed that it had come to this moment. So I went to another room and closed the door. I felt like shit. But also I thought I could not take this “I will do it” any longer. This abstract “tomorrow” will never come.

I cooled down a bit and went out and hugged him. I said I was sorry that I said what I said. But he could see that what I had said was honest. That it was not to hurt him. That it was out of desperation.

So I saw him looking at dentists online. And then I heard him call a mutual friend who is a dentist and asking for advice. Later that evening he flossed his teeth and gave me a kiss.

So I guess this worked? But I still feel really bad, because the reason I never said that I felt a bit turned off by his teeth, was that I did not want to hurt him.

I said I was sorry again and he said that it was in the past and that he understood and he was sorry it came to that argument. And that he was not upset at me. But I can see he is now more insecure about his teeth. He looks a bit sad. Like a puppy who was hit. I hope he can forgive me.

I asked AITA but I already feel like I am the a-h.

I love him because he is kind and considerate and passionate and smart and talented and he has other really wonderful qualities, I love him even with his bad teeth. He is loyal and treats me like a princess. So I just feel like and ass that I even said anything.

The irony is that it got things moving.