I dated my ex for roughly a year and three months. Our relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, we fought like every couple did but despite that I loved him more than anything. Before he was born, his dad left his mother. I don’t really know the full story but ever since my ex, who we will call Tam, has hated him. His mother has also never been a mother to him since then. She’s unmediated bi-polar and is abusive. For context, Tam went to the beach with a mutual best friend of ours who we will call Zeke. Zeke has been my friend for 4 years and we met in school, not because of Tam. Tam and Zeke have been way longer, about 7 or 6 years. After the vacation, Zeke told me Tam was hanging out with a girl behind my back and had specifically told him not to tell me. He also called other girls pretty, went to hooters, and probably a lot more. At the time, I was blinded by love and believed Tam. Tam dropped Zeke before he told me that and encouraged me to do the same… which is why Zeke had told me in the first place. Eventually, we broke up because I had found out he lied. There were text messages to Zeke where Tam was begging Zeke to forgive him and he was sorry for lying. He had never told me he lied though, so I broke things off. He told me he’d change, so he begged for me back and I agreed but then he forced me to drop Zeke again because of jealousy issues. In the past, I had a tiny crush on Zeke but never acted on it and Zeke never felt anything back. Since then, our relationship has been purely platonic. A week after that, Tam broke up with me because he lost feelings. We ended up staying in communication, sometimes getting into fights. This most recent one is why I have decided to post. I found out Tam has been spreading lies about my best friend who we will call Ruthy. I confronted him and he called me an instigator. He told me he was “willing to change for everyone but me” Which hurt because he treated me like his personal doormat for the longest time and I always forgave him because I thought I could change him. I told him that he would never change and in the end, he’s just like his dad in a way because he left me while I was vulnerable. He didn’t reply so ever since I’ve been feeling super guilty. My friends have told me not to feel guilty because of everything he’s done to me but I came help but think I’m an asshole. Am I?