So, I (17f) live with my dad full-time and have since I was about 14. My parents are divorced, and I used to visit my mom every weekend or every other weekend. I still do sometimes, but recently I’ve started avoiding it.

The problem is, she treats me like I’m still 8 years old. Even though I’m nearly an adult, I work part-time, manage my own money, and I’m pretty independent, she won’t give me any freedom. She makes me go to bed at 9PM sharp. She takes my phone at night. I’m not allowed to go out with friends while I’m staying at her place. I’m not allowed to cook or make my own meals because she says I’ll “burn the house down.” (I take cooking classes as well, so it’s not like she has a reason to think that)

At my dad’s, I’m allowed to cook, clean, go out with friends, and manage my own bedtime. I still follow rules, obviously, but they’re reasonable. With my mom, it’s like I’m suddenly a helpless little kid. I tried talking to her about it calmly, asking her to loosen up a bit. I explained that it makes me not want to come over if I feel like I’m being babysat. She got defensive and upset. She said, “I’m your mother, not your friend,” and that “I’ll understand when I’m older.” I kept trying to explain I don’t hate her, I just want a bit more respect and trust. She wouldn’t hear it.

So last week, I told her I wasn’t going to come over anymore if she kept treating me like a child. I said I’d still see her in public or go to lunch or something, but I didn’t want to stay at her place overnight.

She cried and accused me of “choosing my dad over her” and being “brainwashed.” She’s now telling my extended family that I’m ungrateful and “abandoning” her. My aunt and grandma have both texted me guilt-tripping things like “she won’t be around forever” and “you’ll regret this”. I honestly don’t want to cut her off, I just want to be treated like I’m my age. AITA for setting that boundary?