My dad has me (16f) and my brother (14m) with our mom who died when we were 8 and 6. Dad remarried when we were 10 and 8. With my stepmom he has my half brother (4) and my half sister (3). I know people judge my dad for remarrying so quick but his and my mom's marriage wasn't typical before she died. The only reason they were still married is because she got sick. But they had been ready to divorce and they called it off so we could all be together and dad could take care of mom. I was 6 when mom got sick and even though I was really young I remember the bad parts of their marriage before mom got sick. So I was never mad that dad remarried faster than some people like. My brother isn't mad either. We just want him to be happy.

That's not what this is about. I like my stepmom. We have a good relationship. My brother has a good relationship with her too. We had some weirdness at first and there were talks about her not being with dad to replace mom and what we'd call her. Me and my brother we call her by her first name and never call her mom. I don't say she's my mom to others either and I don't think my brother does either. She calls us her kids but will say we're her stepkids too at times. It never bothered us.

We never had any sign she didn't like the way things were until February when she told us and dad she had booked us all into family therapy because she felt like we weren't in the place we should be and she wasn't happy with her relationship with me and my brother.

In therapy she has talked about how upset she is that 6 years of marriage and a good relationship with us + having kids with dad hasn't made us think of her more in a motherly way. She brought up Mother's Day a lot and how she feels slighted that it's not a day all about her and how we don't even celebrate her in the traditional way on Mother's Day. One of the things she mentioned about Mother's Day was the fact dad starts Mother's Day every year with bringing us to mom's grave and buying flowers for us to place on her grave. She said we leave early and get back early but it bothers her that we're doing that instead of celebrating her. Then she talked about how we (me and my brother) never made her breakfast in bed and how we don't seek her out early to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. She doesn't like that we don't spend the day with her and split the day between her and our two grandma's. She talked about how she feels like she does the mothering in the household. She admitted she doesn't mother the two of us specifically but she wants to and we won't let her.

Then she mentioned other stuff about how she thought by now our relationship would look more like mom and kids. But instead she's in the not mom zone and has never gotten out of it. She said she feels like she deserves to be let in as a mom and not just as a stepmom or a not mom. That she thinks about how me and her should be super close but she's not my closest female family member. She knows that's my maternal grandma. It bothers her that I went to grandma for the period talk instead of her. How I go to her more with friend talk than motherly talk. And how she feels so slighted by all of this. She's not even mad at dad about it. Just me and my brother.

Dad didn't know she felt like this either and she never said anything before. When we got asked if we had a response I said that I felt like she took that stuff personally. But it's not personal. Yeah we don't have the relationship she wants but it's not because of her or about her personally. I said she's just not my mom and I don't want another one. It would be the same with anyone my dad married. I said not everyone would get to be someone I consider a friend. And I trust and feel good around her. So it says I really do like and care about her.

It wasn't enough for my stepmom and she felt patronized and it started a fight with her and my dad. But I wanna know AITA for what I said?