I am writing this on a throwaway and might delete after 48 hours. I (17F) have a friend (17M) who I will call G. G has always been very kind and considerate towards me, which I've felt extremely grateful for and expressed my gratitude towards. He helped me a lot when I was trying to leave my emotionally abusive relationship with my ex-BF, and leaving it and being able to reconnect with someone who treated me well was so refreshing. We often talked about music, our family issues, and our culture (we're both Colombian). One problem I always had with him though is that he's close with my bullies (who still harass me), but I wouldn't pay it mind because it was pretty much irrelevant to our friendship.

In February, two of G's family members (not specifying the relationship for safety) had been deported, which broke my heart. It made me scared for him and I couldn't get it out of my mind for weeks. I consoled him as much as I could, which he appreciated, and I tried my best to cheer him up. At the time, he had been ghosting me slightly, but I paid no mind to it because I knew what he was going through.

I had stopped coming to class around this time because I started struggling with very severe Imposter syndrome-like emotions where I didn't feel worthy or competent enough to even look or be around others + a fear of being harassed again. I'm still trying to deal with it. Despite this I still showed a lot of concern and wanted him to talk to me. He replied to me once saying that he wanted to tell me what more about what was going on in person but that I haven't been present lately. He ghosted me more often, and wouldn't talk to me much even whenever I was present. But again, I pushed through the dread I was feeling that he wouldn't text back.

After March rolled around, G wouldn't text back, at all. I tried to assume to best from him, that maybe he needed time and space because of all that he was going through. But my heart sank when I joined one of my friend's (17M, we'll call him C) live streams and he was in the chat, interacting and everything. I then saw a picture of him and that same friend. It's okay that he has friends other than me, but you can talk with C and not to the person that is actively wondering if you're fucking ok? I waited until April, I was still left on delivered and I was getting so desperate and anxious. Why won't he text me back? Did his friends say somer rumors about me? Is he suddenly on their side or something? I know he's going through some heavy shit, but I at least want to know how he's doing, I don't even need him to say much. But this drove me insane. I texted him the following on April 1st:

"I love being ghosted" "At this point it feels purposeful" "Waited the whole month for a response but you wanna be all mysterious and not consider me for a second" "Smh" "It's fine go talk to your cooler friends" "Guess I'm not worth the trouble"

No response. Then I texted him the following yesterday:

"I'm sorry for lashing out suddenly but it truely feels like I'm talking to a wall" "I know about your issues and you know about mine and you know how im treated but somehow you couldn't even text back for what felt like a month? God, this entire thing is humiliating and I don't think you realize it" "Apologize or I won't have to go through such crazy and embarrassing hoops to keep a friend who I thought fucking cared." "Crazy how I can deal with your friends harassing me over old shit but they get the attention while I'm treated and pitied like a dog" "How can I not be bitter? What reason do I not have?" "I didn't expect anything transactional I just wanted a message like "Yeah I'm alive sorry I havent been the best lately" like is that too much to ask or what?"

I came off so strong but this is literally killing me inside. Please tell me if I'm in the wrong or not.