This is long, but I’ve spent 27 years trying to be a younger sister, and I’m at the end of my rope.

My sister and I have had a difficult relationship since childhood. After our mom passed away 10 years ago, that dynamic only got more painful and complicated. I was 18 and broken. She was older, and instead of helping, she became emotionally manipulative, often acting like she was the only one grieving. I was struggling with trauma, panic attacks, and self-harm, and was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder (now understood as borderline personality disorder). During those years, I needed stability. But what I got was her: Minimizing my mental illness and calling me “dramatic” or “too sensitive”, Blaming my breakdowns on “bad therapy” instead of acknowledging her harmful behavior, Constantly shifting the conversation to her pain every time I tried to talk about mine, Repeating patterns of gaslighting me, saying things like, “That never happened” or “You’re remembering it wrong” & Accusing me of being the one who’s “cold” or “dismissive” every time I tried to set boundaries.

When I finally started healing with therapy, support, medication, and real introspection but she didn’t say, “I’m proud of you.” But that has been a problem with me. I only count the things she doesn't do. She said my therapist was “not guiding me toward healing that includes her.” She wanted me to change therapists because, in her words, mine was “only showing one side of the story.” That was a big red flag, and not the first time she’s weaponized my healing against me.

Still, I tried to meet her halfway. When she made a huge mistake and badmouthed her in-laws (which blew up in her face), I was the one who helped her fix it. I calmed her down, told her how to apologize, how to take accountability, how not to deflect (because it was a pattern with her). I told her to get therapy and to stop self-sabotaging. She even thanked me, and for a moment, I let myself believe there was change.

But then she spiralled again. Told me she was “giving up” on her marriage and in-laws. And when I tried to give her perspective, pointing out she was doing exactly what she’d accused others of doing, she became cold and robotic. When I said I needed space because I felt disrespected, she hung up on me. The next day, I got The Message.

It was long. Emotional. Crafted. And definitely ChatGPT-coded (she has a different way of texting + she is dyslexic and not articulate). It started with:

“I’m not gaslighting you. You can show this to your therapist.”

And ended with:

“I’m stepping back to protect what little I have left of myself.”

In between, it was filled with: A list of all her “sacrifices” and “silent suffering” - how she defended me when I wasn’t at the hospital (she was paralysed with Meningitis a few years ago, I was 20 and had started a new job back then, she is all right now. Of course she has pains), how she supported the family after Mom died (I was 18 and she was 21), how she always celebrated me even when we weren’t speaking (she showed up unannounced on my birthdays which i don’t even like celebrating and used to be pissed that I wasn’t warm).Passive-aggressive guilt bombs like “Please don’t cry,” “Please don’t spiral,” “You don’t have to fix this”.

She says she’s not keeping score, but she’s literally holding up a ledger and saying, “See what I’ve done for you?”

The message messed with me. I was like, is this a cry for help or a way out for me? It was missing: an apology, acknowledgement of gaslighting, our truths and experiences are different, & Any acknowledgement of how her behavior has impacted my healing. But at the same time my requests for space were denied several times so many times, I have been having emotional whiplash.

I have heard this song before and it breaks my heart: I want to believe this was real. That maybe this time, she got it. But the moment I read the letter again, I realized—this is the final act of the same pattern. She centers her pain. Minimizes mine. Hopes I’ll feel guilty enough to drop my boundaries.

But I’m tired. So tired. Of being the one who absorbs, forgives, reaches out, explains.

So here’s the truth:
I want to send her one final message, block her everywhere, and walk away.
Not out of hatred. But because I can’t do this anymore.

So, AITA for going full no-contact after this?
Would it be cruel of me to block her everywhere?

I’ve stopped myself from doing it so many times. I always think: What if she needs me and I’m not there? But whenever she does need me, and I offer advice (usually the kind she doesn’t want to hear), she ices me out again.

I’ve gone to family, friends, and now strangers on the internet—just trying to make sense of this.