Hello all. I (39F) am in the middle of a dilemma with my MOH (39F) Apologies in advance because this post in LONG!

So best friend (lets call her Sara) and I have been friends our entire lives! Our moms were besties and were pregnant at the same time, Sara was born 1 month before me and we were raised together since our mothers were together all the time, literally a lifelong friendship here.

I've been with my current partner (35M) for 10 years, we recently got engaged and i asked her to be MOH (technically i just told her it was going to be her and she agreed, lol) although whenever i spoke about my wedding ideas, she didn't seem too interested, I didn't take this personally because she's been MOH to her sister and another friend before and was the same then, i think she just finds it overwhelming or struggles to show excitement, even after all this time it isn't clear why she is like this but it isn't with just me. We are planning a Lord Of The Rings themed wedding, think, Rivendell meets Gondor, no cosplay, but elven decor.

Anyhow, she called me 10 days ago asking me out of the blue if my man was controlling me, because i was looking at my phone the entire time i was at her house last. I was actually dragging all my saved photos and screenshots into 1 wedding older to show her the ideas i had, but she didn't think to ask. she assumed i was talking to my man the entire time like he was checking up on me. she also paired this with when she called me 2 days prior and i didn't answer, i text her an hour later saying now wasn't a great time, I'm having an argument with my partner. (yes, arguments happen despite being madly in love and planning a wedding). She thought (again, without asking me anything) that he'd stopped me answering because he didnt want me to talk to her. I have absolutely no idea where this has come from. Even when he used to call me when id be at her house, it was to tell me the work drama that was happening. her partner also called her twice a day just because he was on his work break so i don't see why that could possibly be an issue....unless she's a hypocrite?

During this phone call with the accusations of control, she also told me that she thought my partner was an arrogant prick, always has an opinion (yet she's the biggest gossip I've ever met in my life and I've told her that) and he needs to shut his f**king mouth. There was a time where she called my son boring because at age 11 (he's into coding and programming so is very mature) he didn't want to jump on the bouncy castle with a bunch of 6 year olds at her sons birthday party. my son asked why she called him boring so i text her and told her and told her we werent happy she said that, wether it was meant 'harmless' or not. apparently this made her cry bigtime and she had to stop her partner from coming round to my house to beat up my partner (coz violence means youre right apparently). She also brought up where her middle child came round with her, while my son was with his bio dad. her son (lets call him S) has severe ADHD and while i sympathize, i dont see that as an excuse to allow disrespect or bad behavior. S runs right up to our gaming bedroom where there is £10k worth of gaming equipment and starts running his hands all over it. He then goes to my sons room who spends all his birthday money on collectibles (we are all gaming nerds in this house lol), S starts picking up irreplaceable collectibles and rubbing them on his body inside his clothes, then starts trying to what looked like, put one in his pocket. My partner saw this and told him to stop, then came down to Sara and asked if S has a tendency to pocket things. (My partner doesnt know S very well but even so i think thats a reasonable question considering the circumstances). She got so offended, she didnt say it then and there she waited til she got home and then text me. S knows how to play her and according to her, he was crying in the car on their way home asking why we hate him. When she text me she was livid that we called her son a thief and treated him like he wasnt welcome and now he thinks we hate him, particularly my partner. So yeah this was something else she brought up during the phonecall 10 days ago and also made a point of telling me that she just doesnt like him at all and even her partner says 'he misses C' (my ex, who manipulated the crap outta me so bad even his own mother was on my side)

I was in the car with my mother at the time and didnt want to make a scene so i let her speak, just said 'ok' to everything then we ended the call. i then text her later that night telling her I wasn't happy. Not only did you badmouth my fiance, but your partner wanted to come and be voilent because you cried over YOU offending my child. My man is the enemy in your eyes because he said 'no' to your child, but youre friends with A (another woman in the friend group) whos son bullied S SO bad at school, S was saying he wanted to unalive himself, but sara still, whilst that was happening and A did nothing about it whatsoever, took A out for breakfast every week and paid for it! I called out the double standard, I almost said i preferred her ex vs her current partner but i didnt stoop, although i wish i did. I told her anyone who thinks that way about my fiance and the man who is PAYING for most of the wedding anyway, wont be invited! I wouldnt spend £1 paying to have people at an event who dont like me and talk like that about me, so why would i expect him to pay £90 per head for those two?

Oddly enough she didnt reply to that text because that would mean she would have to explain herself. I didnt cause this rift so I'm not being the first person to make contact, but Im not sure this can be recovered. Her partner said he preferred my ex, I dont think my partner would get over that and neither would I, not enough to wanna pay to have him here and even if i forgave her (highly unlikely) she wouldnt come without her partner anyway.

AITA here for uninviting her?