By ExistingCook8618 • Score: 0 • April 5, 2025 2:03 PM
I (21m) found out my girlfriend (20m) still watches porn after a mutual agreement not to
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months and things have been pretty good! Sex life is pretty good, i satisfy her and her needs very well, she gets mine, but i often am initiating more often then she is. I love her so so much and otherwise, things are really really good so I don’t pay too much mind to the sex stuff as thats only a portion of our relationship and try to not let it dampen the rest of our relationship.
To get into the issue, about 4 months into our relationship, when pulling youtube up on her tv, I had accidentally stumbled upon her search history of nsfw asmr. For context, she is Bi and all of the asmr was labeled as f4f. We had a good conversation about how I was a bit uncomfortable with it and how I haven’t used porn or related things in over a year (quit for mental health reasons) and both agreed to not watch porn or do stuff like going forward to respect each other.
Fast forward to today, I was pulling up Netflix on her laptop while she was getting ready for bed so we could watch a show. When I had opened it, it was on a twitter tab that had her most recent search history showing of porn related stuff (#nsfw, and the like) with some of it being related to f4f content. I didn’t say anything in the moment as I was still processing what I saw and don’t know what to do. She doesn’t know that i saw what i saw yet.
There is a teeny tiny bit of me that is really paranoid that she is lesbian or trying to figure out if she is which i respect and know its not easy dealing with sexuality and especially communicating it. For that, the worry comes from getting a few years down the line and her coming to terms with her sexuality and then leaving me, but this is just the voices in my head making up obscure things. i also largely think that she could be using it as a way to satisfy a part of her that she can’t get in our relationship since im m.
Its just really hard because I love her and really don’t want to leave her but at the same time, I feel a good bit disrespected and betrayed after our previous talks about it. I also don’t want to be controlling; i just want to be able to communicate that it hurt me and i had thought we had established a clear boundary. I could really just use some outside perspective to help me put things into context and be less blinded by my bias. Advice?
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