NOTE: this may be written a little poorly, I am writing on my ipad and just trying to get it all out. please be kind, this is really hard for me to get out. I’m not going to reread this because writing it is making me go into a depressive episode. TW: self harm NOTE: we both have mental illnesses

I, f21 and my best friend f19 (we will call J) were in a car accident late march. It was a road rage response while trying to merge over. we were driving to turn right into a plaza and J was in the left lane. the entrance was a right turn. she had ample time to get over but remembered last minute. as she was about to merge, a truck was next to her, and she put her blinker on and started to merge. the truck laid on the horn and flipped her off. fueled by rage, she flipped the driver off and accelerated (speed limit was 40). J cut over in front of the truck and was about to pass the last entrance, and she cut the wheel to turn anyways, even though i said three times “you’re not gonna make that”. we jumped the curb median and head on hit a car trying to exit the plaza, and hit another car in the process. immediately she screamed and cried. her window shattered and the car was smoking. I was in shock but i tried to take care of her first. i’m certified in crime scene technology and tried to keep my cool while navigating the scene. after J got out of the car, she immediately cut herself with a shard from either the window or the car (not sure), and i forced her to drop it and kept trying to calm her down while contacting family. I even spoke for her when she called her dad to tell him everything that happened. once the ambulance showed up, I was taken to the hospital, she didn’t want to receive medical treatment. i was in a neck brace and was in a lot of abdominal and head pain. I met my partner at the hospital, and when I came out she arrived a few minutes later with her parents.

her parents immediately hugged me and asked if i was okay. While sitting next to me she was telling her parents “I just want my car back; i wish it never happened; can i get a new car?” and begging and pleading for a solution to the no-car problem, while i am sitting next to her in a neck brace. my partner and i were staring at each other in disbelief. It turned into a lecture with her father about how she should be worried about me, how she should spend her money wisely and have an emergency fund, and working out how to get her to work the next day.

9 hours later I am diagnosed with a concussion and bad bruising where the seatbelt was (across my pelvis, on my lower stomach, and a bruise on my chest) and a lot of pain that i was consistently crying. Once she found out it was “just” a concussion, she started telling me that she wishes things could go back to normal, and giving apologies that ended with some sort of mention about her car or that she wished it never happened and she should’ve listened to me.

I have PTSD and flashbacks from the crash and it took me a week or two to finally be able to drive again, even though I was the passenger in the accident. the bruises were very painful, my back pain was so intense that i couldn’t bend or lift anything. when it came time for the insurance rep to reach out for case details, she told me to not mention the road rage or the flipping off. I didn’t lie to cover her, and settled for $1,000 USD and just wanted to move forward, as I didn’t want to sue her or anything. When I told her, she asked “where’s my money?” and when I asked her if she was joking, she said “wdym”.

After a few days she was able to drive her dad’s truck, and a week later she got a new car from an auction. i haven’t been able to look at her the same, and thinking about driving with her fills me with so much anxiety and fear that I am trying not to cry while writing this. I asked for space and some time to process my feelings and the trauma and everything, but she started pressing me asking why i needed space now, and if i’ll ever be able to drive with her again. I told her again that I needed space now and can’t discuss it right now. she told me i should be getting over it by now and is upset that i’m placing blame on her after she’s apologized so many times. I feel betrayed and unsafe around her and I don’t know if i can keep being friends with her. AITA?