We have known each other for 9 years now and married for 5 years. I don't usually open up easily, neither do I share my feelings or confront anyone even if I feel like. However things changed when my husband encouraged me to be more vocal about my feelings. Gradually I am now able to atleast express everything to him - for eg. If I am feeling low, or if am upset or disappointed with him. February 2024 I had a miscarriage early around 8 weeks. This year February I had to abort at 18 weeks due to genetic abnormalities in the baby. This has weighed a lot on me and I am not able to comprehend if my mood swings are due to these tragic incidents or if I have really become an AH. I cry quite easily, I stress over small things, I am not able to function at my 100% and do the household chores like I would like to and I expect my husband to be my support through this. But he is not always emotionally available. He feels I'm just being lazy and I am purposely trying to spiral into this hole of sadness. Trust me, I am trying my best - I have joined work within a month of my abortion. I try hard to focus at work and complete my duties there. I don't have any energy left for home. I even wanted to take a break from work, but never felt like my husband will be ok with that as it would affect our financial planning. Basically I felt like I don't have a safety net if I drop out of work. And for all of this behaviour of his - I pick up small fights which eventually turn out to be this big confrontations and in the end there's no conclusion and I end up looking like an AH because I initiated it.

TL, DR - After going through 2 pregnancy losses I've started being impulsive and upset all the time with my husband.