I’m 22F, my boyfriend, well ex now.. 24M. I broke up with him, reluctantly, even though we have tried to change and fix things to better each others needs, I still felt like nothing changed. We broke up about a year ago, due to similar issues, were apart for a few months and ended up back together. Because despite everything, we love each other so much. But the one year mark rolled around and I realized, nothing’s really changed.

For some background, when we first met 2 years ago we were always together and hanging out, it was 10 months into our relationship before we spent a night apart from each other and it was very hard on both of us. We were inseparable for almost the whole two years, but as of the last couple months I’d see him maybe once a week if I was lucky, and not even to spend the night, sometimes just to see each other for an hour or two.

We’re both young, I grew up with strict parents so I’ve been spending so time going out with friends as I’m in my 20’s and have that option now. He was kinda a party animal as a teenager and has outgrown it and also cannot drink due to health issues. I always invite him, he always says no. Says he won’t come out because he can’t drink. Most the time, I’m sober and DDing. Sometimes we’re all sober and just hanging out. I suspect he really just doesn’t like to go out, as when it’s just me and him. It’s the same, he kinda shuts down any idea that involves leaving the house. Which is fine, I like having nights in, watching movies, doing puzzles, playing video games etc. but it’s a nice balance to go out and socialize too.

He only ever works and goes home. I had my older sisters birthday and my mothers birthday recently, both very important to me. And he skipped both, my sisters because he was too tired. And my mother’s because he wanted to go workout with a coworker.

I know he struggles with some mental health issues, feeling depressed and unmotivated. And I have tried every which way to help him and support him but nothing I’ve done helps. We talked about him going to get professional help, but he never really took the next step to do it. So he’s kinda been in this depression slump for a while now. Which contributed to the homebody and disinterest in me.

I love him to death, I just want him and to be with him. But he won’t go get help, and his behaviour and lifestyle just doesn’t match mine right now. And before anyone says I’m picking the bar over him, I spent the first 1.5 years of our relationship not seeing any of my friends or going out, due to some jealousy and trust issues from his previous girlfriend. So I tried to make him comfortable by not participating in going out, but after so long I don’t want to waste my 20’s, and I’ve tried to have him there with me. But god I can’t even get him to come over to my house and spend time with me and watch a movie with me. I miss him so much but I know it’s for the better that we have parted ways. But am I an asshole? Was it selfish?