Sorry about the crazy title but I was raised in crazy messy and it probably shows. To start off with I'm "lucky" in a sense. The only siblings I have are half siblings my mom gave birth to. I have 7 younger siblings. Ella and Micha are full siblings to each other. Jessica is next. Peter and Lucy are full siblings too. Then the baby is Sarah but when I left mom was pregnant again with another kid from Sarah's father. That baby would be born now but I never met them.

The mess all started when my mom's sister slept with my father while my mom was expecting me. She broke up with him and fought with her sister. My father later died so had no other kids except for me. But all of this kick started my mom and aunt sleeping with each other's partners to retaliate for the other doing it and the cycle continues.

My aunt had like 8 kids last I looked. 2 with Ella and Micha's father. 3 with Jessica's father. 1 with Peter and Lucy's father. Then she had two last I knew about with Sarah's father.

This mess was brought up on the daily. Either in fights between them or fights between my siblings and cousins who were also half siblings. The bad blood runs deep on both sides and it was SO toxic. I'm talking trouble at school, trouble in the neighborhood, police being called because of fights at 2 in the morning kind of toxic. My aunt was weirdly obsessed with me too because I was the kid who didn't share a father with anyone. Sometimes I think she wanted to kidnap me.

I have seen more fights than most people. Some of them get really nasty too. My siblings don't want to know their cousin/siblings and don't want to claim them but at least some pretend they don't want to give them up because they're jealous at the thought they would have a better life. Each side that was "first" likes to remind the others that they shouldn't exist and it's gross that they do.

I never brought friends home with me because I tried to keep the family mess away from my personal life. And I didn't want friends to be kept from me because their families didn't want that kind of influence around them. But sometimes I did get kept from kids because we were that family everyone talked about and the clusterfuck was brought up everywhere.

I resented it all my life and when I turned 18 I ran as far away as I could. I went no contact with my mom. aunt and cousins. Kept minimal contact with my siblings until I realized it wasn't healthy and could never be in these circumstances. My siblings just keep repeating the toxic crap and even though some are very young still I couldn't do it. I ended up blocking the siblings who have phones because they were so pissed at me for bailing and not being more present.

I won't ever have a relationship with them again if they can't get away from that toxic mess. My life was messed up enough because of it and even if my siblings are younger than I am I won't deal with it for them. Does that make me TA?