My ex wife and I got divorced last year. Due to financial reasons our assets remain shared for the next five years with the intent that we will be able to buy the other person out by that time. Selling our assets was not an option at this time due to market conditions.

We both cosigned a loan for a house, I'm paying for that loan, and all house related things into a joint account. (I live there but the home remains shared property, part of the settlement) And this account has been the cause of several headaches on both sides.

All my payments get transfered into the account on the first of the month. Depending on the day the next working day most of this money gets taken by the bank for the loan, apart from the insurances which get taken out around the 8th.

Here's where the issue lies, my wife has a fuel card that is tied to the account that she has been using for a while. It automatically deducts money from the account and because she doesn't have any money on the account it always takes from my insurance money. Sometimes I don't notice that there isn't enough money on the account and I get a fine for that (from the bank for failing an automatic payment, not the insurance)

The source of frustration is that my ex believes these fines should be shared, or flat out refuses to pay for them, in fact until I basically had the bank explain it to her she believed that she shouldn't pay fines because the account never went in negative balance because there was money in the account for the gas payment (my money for the insurance)

Part of my frustration is also that she never checks the bank statements which detail why the money is being deducted, but places the full burden of proof on me and doesn't pay me back until she's fully convinced.

Because of this I've decided to request for the account to be closed. I'm tired of having to call her and ask her if she could return my money and having to prove everything every month over and over again.

Here's the twist.

We have two kids and we are receiving some money monthly from the government, which is meant to be split 50/50. This money is deposited in that shared account. But when the account is closed it will be transfered directly to my account. I will then send her her share as soon as received.

My ex doesn't agree with this and said I'd I want to close the account that she should receive the money to her account.

I don't agree with that because in the past she has withheld funds from me because she needed the money to pay for movers (1000 eur). This was part of the divorce settlement aand she flat out told me she isn't going to pay. Because getting lawyered up is probably more expensive I'm considering that money as lost...

So, I don't think I'm the asshole here, but apparently she does and so do our friends. Because apparently I'm only getting to decide where the money goes because of a weird rule that says the youngest parent decides the account number and in her words that rule is there to protect women and not men..

Completely unexpectedly I'm being portraited as a misogynist and I feel the gender card has nothing to do with this. // I don't have a history or reputation in that regard either.