Advice needed! Background; (it’s long, bare with) Back end of 2023 I met an older man (10 years or so) through work, we started off chatting and became really good friends. He expressed he had a wife of 10 years and it was not a boundary I wanted to push. As our friendship continued, flirty banter popped up and became the norm. Now, as we were close, he’d expressed that he had previously had one night stands (whilst married). This wasn’t something I was interested in but we chatted about his reasons why in length. His wife shows him no affection, and they don’t talk, she uses him for money and starts arguments to get more. They split up briefly about 2 years ago, but their daughter got emotional about it, and she is his first priority so he sucked up and got back with her. They sleep in seperate floors of the house when he is home (he works away during the week). After many months, I realised I had feelings for this man, and things progressed naturally, and I wondered why she didn’t care about this man who was perfect in my eyes. He has basically been having a separate relationship with myself for a year, and it is still on going. He has always said he would never tell me he loves me, but did once say that he was ‘trying to tell a woman that wasn’t his wife that he REALLY likes her’. He has expressed to me that he wants to leave her, and has tried to, but is going to be significantly financially implicated if he does, so feels very stuck, and he’s worried about how it would affect his daughter, so is thinking of waiting until she’s older.

So, the good friend that I am, want advice. How can we go about doing something about this? Both of these work purely based on their living situation and the fact other people are aware of his actions. I don’t wanna hear that I’ve been played etc, I understand how it looks on paper.

Do we get a burner phone and text him saying his wife’s cheating and hope it pushes him to do what he needs to do? (Play him at his own game).

Do we set up a fake social media and tell her what he’s doing (seems a bit extreme given the money situation)?

Basically just want the best for my friend, without wanting to wreck the home unit completely.

Please offer some advice that would help resolve their situation (couples counselling etc is out of the realms and tried already). Advice can be as unhinged as you want (murder is not on the cards).