29M

I'll explain my family so you know for the title.

Mom: My mom and I had a great relationship until I started becoming a man and making my own decisions. It started getting rocky with a marriage and then following, news of our first kid. I was 24, wife was 21. We made a custom grandma setup with a present and pictures and everything and even secretly recorded it. Her reaction was a stoic, "Seriously?" Then a minute later decided to fake a happy one. Fast forward a year or so, probably came over to my house once. We lived in the same city. She remarried into money when I was probably 6-8? and since then does not Royal family shit but definitely upper middle class shit. She can't stand a house that isn't hers, or doesn't have maids cleaning it. When she did come over, she spent no time with her new grandkid, but focus on cleaning everything because my lifestyle was too filthy for her.

Then I moved two states away, military. She's been out maybe twice in 5 years. Same deal. Cleaned, didn't care about my kids. Or me for that matter. She was never a help. Finally let's fast forward to present day, within this year. I went to rehab for serious mental issues. A lot of anger and resentment towards the world. Hate. I was reflecting it on my kids, so I agreed to get help. I instilled boundaries with her afterwards. It felt good but, they didn't last. Fast forward a few months. Felt very, very low. I needed a break from the kids and decided, hey, I should go back home for a few days, a week maybe. I asked her if I could stay there. She said yes initially, then changed to no the same day saying "your mental stuff will just depress <little sister> out more than she already is. You shouldn't come. We don't want you here." Actual words. Fast forward again two days ago. My dumbass hit a life roadblock and I thought I could confine in her. Something bad happened, too embarrassing for me to even say here, and I told her everything. Brought up coming home again. She seemed genuine and even set up something for me to go.

She canceled again.

I stayed here just working out my life and I get a call. My older sister, who is the only person in my life besides the family I made that's worth anything to me. She called to ask me about that problem. I never told her. She said she heard from my grandma. Then I knew. My mom just went ahead and let everyone she knew about something that kills me inside. Like it's nothing. Tells everyone what I fuck up I am.

Apparently this wasn't it.

Remember I said she married into money? Well that's not enough. Her mother, my grandma, who she's been on record telling her own kids "I'm just waiting for her to die for her money", is well off. And apparently my own mother is completely fine trying to convince her sons grandmother that "I'd blow through the will money and I shouldn't get any of it."

Im content with my 3 kids and wife and dog. Sure money would literally fix all my problems right now (when wouldn't it), but I've told my Gma I care about her, not that. I don't give two shits about the will, but it's the principle my mother is literally trying espionage on her own son.

Safe to say, she sucks.

Dad: My dad and I had a friendship my whole life. That's it. He was great to have around when I was kid but as a grew older I realized he couldn't be f'd to spend time with me. Starting at 18 I'd try to go over to his apartment and be in talks that I was. He'd confirm, and when I get there, I'd be waiting 30 minutes to an hour for him to actually respond and let me in. Whatever, no big deal. It was like this for about 6, 7 years. Then my wife came into the picture and we had an argument. He travels and feeds off his girlfriend like a parasite. I think the last time he had a real job was when I was 2. His gf collects some money from her deceased husband, idk what's going on. But he doesn't work and they both just travel the literal world. Very nice set up he has. He planned a trip to a state above ours. For 3 months. But he ended up spending a single night with us and seeing his 2nd new grandkid for the first time for an hour. This upset me, and more notably my wife, who said something to him. He responded with "cool story, let me talk to (me)." Hell no. I told him off and we didn't talk for over a year. Then we made up, bygones be bygones. We still never really talked. Then we started randomly on the topic of cars and how we needed a second vehicle. He told me he'd get the car I learned how to drive on (crazy it's still going after 13 more years) and I could drive it back. I was ecstatic and told him I'd help in any way and even pay for it. He said of course not and he'll get it ready for me. I confirmed multiple times that he's serious, right? Like, this is happening? He said of course, no problem. That was 6 months ago. Hasn't even texted me back. I see he's on Facebook though, playing and laughing with his girlfriends grandkids and loving on them and tucking them in and being a grandpa. To a kid that isnt his. He has three. Blood. And a son. My daughters birthday was yesterday and he didn't text me for that either.

Im incredibly sorry on how long this is, but it's important to know what I'm dealing with. AITAH for finally putting my foot down? I hate the idea of my kids growing up with no grandparents, but they don't deserve an ounce of my kids' love anymore.