This one is tough and I hope I explain everything coherently. It’s really got me feeling conflicted, and tbh hurt.

I (31 F) have been with my bf (27 M) for 7 years now. For most of our relationships I’ve been pretty chill with his parentals. His mother is a hairdresser and his dad is a former cab driver and doesn’t work, can be lazy but his hearts in the right place

His parents split shortly after he and I got together. His mom moved to Texas and his dad stayed in FL. A bit after this we also moved to TX as I’d lost my mom and dad tragically and I wanted a fresh start. When we moved to TX we lived with his mother and her bf and that is when I learned something important—

His mother is terrible at choosing partners.

To shorten it, this man verbally and physically abused her for the entire 6 years they were together. He was very aggressive and verbally abusive to my bf and me during the time we lived there. We moved into our own place after the first year and only saw them during special occasions like holidays or Wrestlemania (we all enjoy wrestling.) His being an abusive jerk didn’t affect us much once we moved out.

That was until I got pregnant and had our twin girls. We went back to live with his mom and her bf for a short time while I recovered and got back to working. And boy oh boy. He would yell at her every night, blame us (my bf, our children, myself) for every single thing that went wrong in his life. I spent more time hiding until I heard his Harley rev up than actually enjoy being a mom. I’d only leave our little room once he’d left.

It all culminated with an explosive argument over a broken AC (he blamed us naturally). He threw a coffee mug at my face, called me a bitch and other things, and told us he didn’t give a fuck about us or our daughters (9 mos). My MIL defended him and this prompted she and I to verbally spat. I just couldn’t understand putting this abusive man above her only grandchildren… above her only son. With that, I took our savings and moved out asap. That night traumatized me and made our kids very wary of loud noises and of my MIL.

Fast forward a year. At this point we’ve had my MIL over to visit maybe twice? And each time the twins cry and scream until she leaves. The sound of her voice makes them panic. The plan was to slowly acclimate her to them again with weekly hang outs- just us. But she canceled on every visit and it’s now been 8 months since we’ve seen her. In this time she’s moved out on her own and left her ex. Good!

But she’s met another guy and he seems sketchy. Bad. All the sudden she is ignoring our calls and texts. The one form of communication we still have with her… Being generally not a good mom or grandma.

We finally finally get her to pick up and we ask her to come over and watch this years Wrestlemania. It’s been a tradition for us since my bf and I met. Never missed a Mania. Never. She asked if her new bf (we do not know this guy btw) can come too. We tell her no. We just wanna see her as it’s been 8 months. It’d be less overwhelming on the kids.

She promised to come and no showed on night one. Didn’t text us until 11 at night to apologize for “sleeping in.” I was annoyed but let it go.

So this morning (night 2 of Mania) I’m prepped for her visit— bought her fav snacks and drinks. Gave our girls a nice soothing bath and set them up to be ready for this visit. And we get a text…

“Can I please bring new bfs name?? He’s not as aggressive as abusive exs name You will like him! I promise.”

I’m flabbergasted as we had already been pretty clear on this. And with her history of bfs I wasn’t in the mood to meet this guy while also mediating her reunion of sorts with her grandchildren that are afraid of her lol so we told her no. Again.

She got upset and said we were being unkind to her and her new guy. So when I saw my bf about to fold… I stepped in. I told her she can come alone and be in her grandchildren’s lives, enjoy Mania and be happy with that. Or she can bail but she wouldn’t be welcome around my home or my kids for the foreseeable future.

She chose to not come.

I feel like maybe I was being selfish but I also hurt knowing how loving and kind my own mom was and knowing my daughters have only one grandma and she doesn’t give a shit about them. She brags at church and on socials about them but when given multiple chances to see them she finds a way to avoid them. We live in the same Effing city, y’all!

AITAH for being fed up and giving her an ultimatum here?

Sorry for the long post. I’ve never posted here and didn’t know how to word it all. There’s a lot of context missing even with all this.

Thanks