English isn't my first language. Throw away, because my dad knows my main. I am in therapy, but I need some other people to tell me their opinions, I guess.

My (15) parents never were together. Dad said that he didn't want to be involved and moved on. When I was 3 my mum has died and I was put in a custody of my aunt - dad declined again. He was a workaholic with addictions and mental health struggles. Always paid the child support and a little more, though.

We weren't in contact till a couple of years ago and I was fine with it. It's kinda sad, but I know fathers, who do even less. Sucks, but it happens. We reconnected, he started to call me sometimes or text, I went on a vacation with him and his then fiance. Now he is married, has a toddler and feels a lot better.

Recently my aunt got diagnosed with some illness and I had to move to my dad, as we don't have anybody else, who can look after me. Nobody tells me straight but I see some qlues, she's not going to live long: overhead them talking about hospice and my dad is trying to get a custody of me and my aunt is fine with it, she said it's for the best. Or she doesn't want to take care of me anymore and I'm too scared to push the question.

Dad is good, I guess, he talks with me, tries to convince me to spend time with him or his family, goes to my after school activities, suggested to teach me to drive etc. I agreed to the driving lessons, but he got distracted or something and the plans fell through. I was so angry that I intentionally damaged his car.

I am constantly angry at him - I scream, say things I know wil hurt him, call him by his name instead of a dad, regularly remind him that he was a POS father, getting high somewhere, while I was orphaned etc. I am jealous of his wife and daughter - they got him involved and attentive while all I had for the longest time is a money transfer.

It was okay, while I knew he was just sick. Turns out he could be a better dad, I just wasn't a person he would do that for. And living with them is a constant reminder of things I didn't get to experience.

My therapist pushing me to open up and have some sessions with two of us but I don't want to.

I don't have anybody but my dad and aunt and don't want to ruin our relationship even more, while I have nowhere to go.

I am just angry and don't want to forgive him, I want for everybody to know that he is lying and a terrible father actually, but also don't want to rock the boat too much.

My friend told me to forgive my dad for my own peace (or pretend to )and take what dad has to offer. I have to live with him for three more years and after that I can block him on everything and move on. But also I just can't shut up and pretend like everything is fine and I forgave him, I dunno.

Am I the ashole for keeping this grudge, while my dad turned his life for better?